Complicated Simplicity
by chockitta
Summary: Meet Yuki. 14 years old, she lives alone in a forest just outside Konoha. One dark and windy night, her doorbell rings; which is strange, since no one knows where she lives. Armed with a golf club named Steve, she decides to investigate…
1. Steve to the Rescue!

Just a random idea that came into my head. I might make it a romance eventually, I'm not really sure yet.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. I own Yuki and her pwnsome golf-club.

Hope you enjoy, and review please!

* * *

I yawned as I wandered into the living room, shutting the door behind me before collapsing into my squishy violet armchair, and wrapped a furry blanket around my body.

It was the largest piece of furniture in the tiny and badly lit room, which I had managed to cram a tall floor lamp, a small bookcase, a square table the size of an average piano stool, and a small wooden seat into, as well as the armchair.

I leaned over to the bookcase on my left, before selecting the next volume in my favourite manga series. I had been saving it; but I thought I deserved it, as I **had** been busy cleaning all day.

I sighed. I only got one day a week off from my job, and I usually spent it doing housework. Still, I needed the little money working at the ramen stand paid. And I got to meet some interesting people.

I smiled as I though of the blond kid who came practically every day to empty his (or his teacher's) wallet. You'd think with the amount of money they earned from him, they could at least up my wages a little.

But just as I was about to get REALLY mopey, the doorbell rang, and the emo cloud perched over my head dissolved. I felt slightly irked as I stood up – who could that be at this hour*? And what was SO important that they had to interrupt my emo time? I hardly ever got to bask in self-pity…

Actually, what time was it? I glanced at the clock – 5.00 pm. And it was already pitch-black outside…Winter had come so soon…I shook my head to clear my thoughts, before grabbing my trusty golf-club (who I liked to call Steve) and walking to the front door, flicking on the hall-light as I went. People may say I have no common sense, but I still don't want to get kidnapped or something…

I held Steve cautiously with one hand as I opened the door with the other. A man who looked to be in his early 20s stood in front of me. He had blond hair pulled into a high ponytail, and long bangs over one of his bright blue eyes; and was only a few inches taller than me. That wasn't the mailman…

I let out a loud yell as I smashed Steve onto his head (Steve didn't mind. I think he actually enjoys hitting stuff), and stared in amazement when he fell at my feet.

"Wow, that actually worked!" I exclaimed, failing to notice the blond guy's companion, who swiftly punched the back of my head.

"OW!" I yelped, rubbing my scalp with my free hand. "What the hell was that for?"

In retrospect, I probably should have hit him with Steve then. Or slammed the door in his face and locked it. Or both. But I'm just going to blame my apparent lack of common sense for the fact I just stood there and glared at him, until he narrowed his eyed and asked;

"Why are you still conscious?"

I stared at him. I mean, how are you supposed to answer that?

"Um…I have a hard head?" I asked hopefully. This was kind-of true, since every time we had played dodge-ball or basket-ball back at the Academy, the familiar round object had always seemed to have an affection for hitting my head. Maybe that toughened my skull up a bit…

While I was thinking, the redhead must have decided to take advantage, and tried to hit my head again. Luckily, I saw him coming this time, so I managed to duck at the last second.

"Ah! Don't arrest me please!" I yelled, holding my hands defensively above my head, Steve lying loyally at my feet. "I didn't mean to hit him that hard, honest!"

The redhead paused, studying me for a few seconds before stepping forward, into the pale glow the hall light provided.

Wow. Redhead was right, his hair was a mop of scarlet flames. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. After all, I did grow up on Konoha, a village where people walk around with pink, purple and bright orange hair without receiving a second glance.

But just as I realised I was day-dreaming again, I felt a hand at my neck, and the ground rose up to meet me. The last thing I saw were red clouds lined in white, against fabric as black as night.

Ooh, spiffy.

* * *

*Sorry, that sounded like a bad horror movie, when an old lady gets murdered or something ^^'

Ooh, what will happen next?

And remember: don't **actually **hit someone over the head with a golf club. You could seriously injure them. D:


	2. Are You My Conscience?

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Naruto. Yuki is an OC.

* * *

– Sasori's POV –

* * *

I glanced at the girl's body on the floor. Her short dark hair was spread out around her face, contrasting with her pale white skin. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically. Good. She wasn't dead.

I stepped lightly over her, and walked over to Deidara's body on the porch.

"Deidara," I drawled. "Deidara!"

"…"

No response. I sighed and kicked him. Hard. He groaned and slowly sat up, nursing his head.

"Ugh, what happened, hm?"

"She hit you with a golf-club," I informed him. "I hit a pressure point on her neck. She'll come round in a couple of hours."

I kicked him again.

"Get your ass up, we only have a few hours."

Ignoring my partner's protests, I turned and grabbed the girl, slinging her body over my shoulder before starting back to base.

* * *

– Yuki's POV –

* * *

Ugh. My head felt like it was splitting in two.

_Is this what a hangover feels like?_

I wondered, although I didn't remember drinking last night… There was also the fact that I'd never drunk more than a sip of alcohol in my entire 14 years of life, but there's a first time for everything. Ow! I was thinking too hard; it was making my headache/possible hangover even worse…And it wasn't being helped by the fact I was being jogged up and down.

Wait…why the heck WAS I moving up and down? Slowly, I opened my eyes, and (after blinking like mad until they adjusted to the light), I found myself staring down at a guy's ass.

_Wow, I really must have a hangover…Either that or I'm dreaming…Except my dreams don't make this much sense. And they sure as hell aren't this pervy._

Meh. I figured I'd be there for a while, so I might as well try and figure out where I was.

Well, let's see…trees…trees…more trees…oh, wait! There was a giant green thing! Oh…that was a tree too…

I sniffled. Why were there nothing but trees here? It was so depressing. How was I supposed to work out where I was if I was completely surrounded by trees?

**You're in a forest, dumbass.**

I gasped at the voice in my head.

_Who are you? What do you want with me? _

I started to panic.

_Don't hurt me! I'm too young to die! I-_

The strange voice rolled its eyes.

**I'm your conscience, dumbass. I can't kill you. If you die, I die too.**

_Really?_

**Yes. Really.**

_AWESOME._

I mentally began to bounce off the walls. Of…um, my mind.

**What the hell are you doing?**

_I'm happy. Anyway, what the heck are YOU here for? And how did you get into my head?_

**I'm YOU, you idiot! **

_Haha, you just insulted yourself._

…

_So, are you the voice that I argue with in my head when I'm bored?_

**Yep, that's me. Oh yeah, and to answer your other question, I'm here to make sure you don't do anything stupid.**

_Oh. You mean like common sense?_

**Kinda.**

_THEN WHERE THE __**HELL **__WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GETTING KIDNAPPED?_

**Oh. That. See, I was hoping you wouldn't ask…**

_I'm waiting…_

**Well, I don't know! I'm YOU. I only exist when you want me to.**

…_So if I told you to shut up and leave me alone, you'd do it?_

**Nope.**

_But you said you only exist when I want you to._

**Yeah, but not quite like that. It's complex.**

…

**Dumbass?**

…

**Yuki?**

…

The voice sighed.

**I'm going now…**

* * *

I sighed. Why does my conscience always have to be so mean?

I was interrupted (yet again) by the-blond-guy-who-isn't-the-mail-man.

"Morning, sunshine," he smirked at me.

I glared at him, which I thought was a considerable feat for me, since I WAS hanging upside down with a splitting headache.

_Hey! Maybe the whole hanging upside down thing is what's making my head hurt!_

I let out a small gasp as I realised this. Those stupid kidnappers! Were they TRYING to make my head explode or something?

Wait…kidnappers? I gasped again.

"You guys kidnapped me?"

Mr. Blond-guy-who-isn't-the-mail-man (who I will call Mr. BGWITMM for short) stared at me.

"…You JUST realised, yeah?"

"Well, yeah. I haven't been conscious for most of this, you know. And speaking of conscious," I laid my head on my fist "Do you guys have anything for headaches with you?"

The guy who was carrying me stopped walking, and placed me back on the ground. "No. You can get some medicine when we get back to base."

"Thanks!" I beamed at him. "So how much do I owe you for the ride?"

"Nothing."

"Good, 'cause I wasn't going to pay someone who took me somewhere I don't want to go," I stretched my limbs, which were pretty stiff after being carried all night. "Well, I'll just be going now; so hopefully I'll never see you two gentlemen again."

And so, I proceeded to walk off; and there would have been a happy ending had Mr. BGWITMM not grabbed the collar of my black tee-shirt.

"Wha-?" I was cut off by Mr. Blond-guy-who-isn't-the-mail-man-who-likes-to-grab-peoples-collars.

"Where do you think you're going, hm?"

"Home, obviously. Why did you put me down if you weren't going to let me go?"

The redhead looked at me like I was stupid.

"If you're able to talk, you're able to walk on your own."

"What kind of crazy logic is that?"

"The kind I'm answering you with. Now get moving."

I crossed my arms. "I'm not going anywhere with you two."

"Oh really?"

"Yep. My parents will go crazy when they realise I'm gone. There'll be a search party out soon. And ANBU," I stated confidently. I hoped they wouldn't call my bluff. It was all lies.

Mr. BGWITMM glanced uncertainly over at his companion. Yes! Now all I to do was-

"Don't panic Deidara. Leader said there should be no difficulties in capturing her. She has no parents, or other relatives. And no-one in Konoha should notice that's she's gone for a good week or so, since she lives in the middle of a forest in the outskirts and not actually in the village. Didn't you read the mission report?"

Dammit! They found me out…

…But at least I found out the blond one was called Deidara. I wasn't quite sure yet how I could use this in black-mail, but I'd find a way…

…mwahahaha…

* * *

Wow, five pages and nothing happened! Sorry, I'll try and get more action in the next chapter n_n


	3. A Rock Named Bob

**Disclaimer:** No matter how much I want to, I don't own Naruto. I own Yuki and, um…that's about it…

Thank you to my reviewers! Feedback makes me happy n_n

And my apologies for the very late update. I had a lot of homework… (English project, writing tests in French; and now I have an essay to write…) *ahem*, so if my updates are irregular, I take no responsibility :D

* * *

"_Don't panic Deidara. Leader said there should be no difficulties in capturing her. She has no parents, or other relatives. And no-one in Konoha should notice that's she's gone for a good week or so, since she lives in the middle of a forest in the outskirts and not actually in the village. Didn't you read the mission report?"_

* * *

Deidara looked sheepish.

"Well, um…"

The redhead looked at him disdainfully. "I'll take that as a no then."

He turned sharply on his heel and began walking further into the forest, motioning for me to follow him. I glanced at Deidara, who had a faint blush on his cheeks. I felt a little sorry for him after his partner's harsh dismissal. That is, before I remember that he KIDNAPPED me.

I stayed rooted to the spot, my arms remaining crossed.

"I'm still not going," I said, trying to sound as confident as I could manage.

The redhead turned, and slowly walked towards me, meeting my gaze with a calm expression. He continued until he was only a few inches away from me, and leaned over, until I could feel his breath on my face.

"You can walk," he murmured into my ear. "Or I can break both of your legs and you can crawl."

I swallowed. He sounded serious.

He turned around again, and continued in the same direction as before.

I shuddered, and followed him into the forest.

* * *

A few hours of 'Are we there yet?' s, small explosions, and threats to gag a certain 14 year-old later, we arrived at a jagged rock face, stretching about 20 feet into the air; with a large boulder leaning against it.

After listening to my kidnappers argue about art for the past 3 hours, I was pretty bored. So just imagine my delight when I came across a smooth, round rock, about the size of my fist; just sitting there, all alone in the world…

I felt pretty sorry for him, sitting all alone on the ground like that, so I picked him up and decided to call him Bob. And he would be my Bob. And I would love him and hug him and feed him pies. Well, maybe not the last part…

I sighed happily at the thought of all the fun times we'd have, just as redhead grabbed my arm and dragged me into a cave.

Wait.

CAVE?


	4. Mamma Mia!

Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Naruto. Yuki is an OC. If you don't like it, don't read it :D

Thankyouthankyouthankyou to all the people who put this on their Favourite Story/Story Alert list! And especially to my reviewers, you make my day :3

That sounded corny…so on with the story!

* * *

_I sighed happily at the thought of all the fun times Bob and I would have, just as redhead grabbed my arm and dragged me into a cave._

* * *

_Wait._

_CAVE?_

"Hey, kidnapper dude? Where do you think you're taking me?"

The redhead ignored me. Again. I cleared my throat.

"Uh, mister redhead?"

Again with the ignoring! Am I turning invisible or something? Maybe I'll get smaller and smaller, until I eventually shrink into a dot and disappear! Like that guy from that movie…

"Maybe I should go brush my teeth…" I muttered absent-mindedly.

"What?"

I blinked at the sound of his voice, and collapsed onto one knee, gazing up at him.

"Mamma Mia! Your voice…it is so _beau_tiful! Ah?" I exclaimed in a fake Italian accent; before sweeping my hand across my face and turning my head away dramatically.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing?"

I turned to see a familiar blond turning the corner, just in time to see my performance.

I winked at him. "Just proposing to your boyfriend here; you're not** jealous** are you?"

"Hey!" he yelled, his face turning bright red with anger (or embarrassment, hee hee).

My only response was to take a few steps backwards, until I was beside his bewildered team mate, still giggling. I glanced at redhead, who was still eyeing the blonde. I turned back to Deidara, only to see him rapidly performing hand-signs, and yelling 'KATSU!' a few seconds later.

"Oh, flying-fudge-monkeys-from-the-land-of-purple-puffballs!" I yelled randomly; as redhead shoved me behind him. I have balance issues when I'm going backwards though, so I fell right on my butt.

_Owie._

I whined mentally.

**Don't be such a cry baby.**

_Oh, look whose back. Didn't you leave?_

**Well yeah. But I came back; so there!**

_You're more immature than me!_

**No I'm not. And at least I don't fall on my ass every-time I get pushed backwards.**

_That was sore!_

**Whatever. Just be grateful no-one saw.**

_I suppose it could have been worse._

I slowly straightened up, rubbing my bruised backside.

"Ow…" I muttered, not noticing the shady figure standing just around the corner from where I was standing…

SUDDENLY I felt myself being grabbed around the waist, but as I was about to scream, a hand clamped over my mouth; and a voice whispered into my ear.

"Shhh! Deidara-sempai is angry!"

* * *

Oooh, I wonder who the mysterious person is, hm?

And 'that guy from that movie' is Il-sun, from 'I'm A Cyborg, But That's Ok". Awesome film. :D

But anyway, sorry it took so long, etc etc. I was busy. I am not busy now, so I have no more excuses ;)


	5. Candy Mountain!

'"Now I'm not busy, so I have no more excuses"

Famous last words. This chapter was a little later than I wanted cause I had an essay to finish for English T-T (This way, we got a free period :D) Sorry peoples, I took it home out of choice, cause my teacher would have given us it over Christmas if we didn't finish it.

Long and pointless story over, I would like to thank **Ti Wa** immensely for all her awesometastic reviewing skills, and encouragement! You rock!

Also to all my readers, my other reviewers, and all the nice people who put this on Story Alert/ Favourite Story lists. I *heart*you all!

Oh yeah, and I still don't own Naruto.

* * *

_SUDDENLY I felt myself being grabbed around the waist, but as I was about to scream, a hand clamped over my mouth; and a voice whispered into my ear._

"_Shhh! Deidara-sempai is angry!"_

* * *

"What? You mean the blond guy?"

At least, that was what I _tried_ to say. Random guy still had his hand over my mouth though, so it came out as:

"Wmma? Moo me wa womw wy?"

There was silence for a few seconds. Then I heard a whisper in my ear again:

"What? Tobi can't understand."

"Wy wan wok wi wour wand wover wy wouf."

"Huh?"

I shoved his hand off of my mouth and hissed:

"How am I supposed to talk with your hand over my mouth?"

"Um, telelekepathicalilily?"

"You mean telepathically?"

"Um, Tobi thinks that's right."

I turned to face my presumed saviour. My knight in shining armour was, what I'm assuming was a man. (Or it could have been a woman with a really deep voice. Called Tobi. When you put it like that, it does seem kind-of unlikely…)

He was dressed in the same cloud-patterned cloak-dress-thing as redhead and Mr. BGWITM, only he had super cool black gloves on, and an even cooler swirly orange mask, that looked just like a lollipop. I gasped in delight at the sight of what I assumed was candy, and impulsively touched my tongue to it.

Oh.

My.

Goldfish's Pyjamas.

That was NOT candy.

"AHHHHH!" I yelled, trying to scrape my tongue off with my fingernails. I'm bad for biting them though, so it didn't really work. Instead, I resorted to hitting my knees and licking the ground. Yeah. Ew. After that mask-thingy though, it actually tasted GOOD.

"Uh, Miss? Tobi was wondering why you are eating the floor."

I wiped my tongue on my sleeve and stood up.

"Because _that_ my friend," I informed him, pointing to his evil mask of most untasty ungoodlyness. "Is most certainly _not _candy. In fact, that is probably the most un-candy-ish substance I have ever tasted."

Tobi stared at me.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. And believe me, I have tasted a LOT of magically-delicious candy in my time."

He gasped.

"Wow! So, could you teach Tobi about the magic of candy?"

I gasped. Me? A _teacher_? Wow.

"Um, I could try," I bit my lip, lowering my gaze. "But…"

"Huh? What's wrong?"

I raised my eyes. "Well, I-I just don't know if I'm _ready _to reach that level of candyosity yet."

Tobi gasped, and grabbed my arm, pushing it into the air.

"Of COURSE you are! Tobi will help you, and we will work together to discover the true meaning of candy!"

"Yeah! I know! Let's go on an epicly-awesometastic quest to Candy Mountain!"

Tobi began to bounce up and down on the spot. "Yay!"

We grabbed each other's hands and began to bounce around in a circle, singing:

"We're going to Candy Mountain! We're going to Candy Mountain! We're going to Candy Mountain! It's gonna be the best day of our lives!"

We were so involved in our hyperness, we didn't notice the tall silhouette approaching in the shadows. Suddenly, I felt a hand hit my neck, and my vision slowly faded to black.

_Aw crap, not again…_

* * *

Ooh, who is the mysterious figure this time?

Find out in the next chapter of- nah, only kidding. This is just a random author's note I put in to make you all think it was the end of the chapter. Mwahahaha, I'm so evil :D

* * *

I groaned.

Ohmygod. My HEAD. It felt like someone had rammed a thousand white-hot needles into my brain. And then stuck a goat in there too. Ugh, this was even worse than brain freeze. Then it hit me. I never _did_ get those headache pills I was promised…

My thoughts trailed off, and, after a few minutes, I realised where I was. Or rather, I realised that I had no idea where I was. However, I did find out that I was tied to a chair for some reason.

"Hey, what the…?" I was in a large, dark room, tied to a wooden chair (with no lumbar support!) and there were a bunch of creepy looking people staring at me. Oh wait, there was redhead and BGWITMM. I couldn't see Tobi though. ANYWHERE.

Eventually, a white-haired guy who looked around 50 or so stepped forward. However, as he approached, I noticed that he had a surprising lack of wrinkles for a 50-year-old. Oh yeah, and that he was holding a massive 3-bladed scythe.

Eep.

How do I manage to get myself into these situations?

The Grim Reaper walked over to me, and leaned down until he was at my eye-level. He was about 6" though, so it still freaked me out. Not to mention the fact that he had blood-red eyes.

After what seemed like hours, but was probably only about 30 seconds (time passes slowly when you're almost having a panic attack), he raised his scythe to my neck and hissed:

"Okay, bitch. Time to talk."

I gulped, nervously eyeing the sharp metal blades uncomfortably close to my jugular.

"Um, talk about what?"

He snarled at me, causing his spittle to spray onto my face.

My fear momentarily forgotten, I turned my head away and tried to wipe my face on my shoulder, since my hands were tied up.

"EW! Say it, don't spray it!"

Grim looked like he was going to kill me. And with a scythe that shiny, he easily could have.

Luckily for me and my distinct lack of sense, a guy a little smaller than Grim, but still considerably taller than me, came to my rescue.

"Hidan," he said quietly. "If you lay one finger on her, I will tie each of your limbs to a sled-dog team and yell 'Mush!'."

Wow. He was even scarier than Grim.

He was one of those people who can say something really quietly, but still say it so threateningly that it sends shivers right down your spine.

Great. Now I was even more freaked out. I half-expected him to lean down and say something like: 'It's okay sweetie, we're gonna get you home now.' in a girly voice. Now THAT would have been scary.

Grim just muttered something that sounded suspiciously like a death threat under his breath, and wandered over to the other side of the room.

Sled-dog stepped back too, and shoved another guy forward; whose only response was to utter 'hn' and walk slowly over to me, rolling his eyes and sighing like I was causing him a lot of trouble just by being there (which I probably was).

He crouched down until we were at the same eye-level, staring right into my eyes. It actually kind of creeped me out, like he was trying to read my soul or something…

He had the kind of hair that all girls wish for, smooth and shiny. It was jet-black in colour, and pulled back into a pony-tail with long bangs framing his face. I recognised the Konoha Forehead-Protector he wore, but his had a long smooth slash though the weird leaf-symbol-that-doesn't-look-like-a-leaf.

He also had scarlet eyes (what WAS it with these people and the colour red? Red hair, red clouds, red eyes…What next, red bathroom suites?), but his had black comma-things floating in them.

_Does that mean he's on drugs? _I wondered.

My thoughts were rudely interrupted by the Emo Care Bear.

"I am Itachi, of the legendary Uchiha clan. Do not cross me, for it will be the last thing you ever do."

"Hey, do you have a hangover or something?" I asked innocently. "Your eyes are all red."

Yep, totally out of the blue. But hey, that's what happens when you interrupt my thinking-time. I start thinking out loud.

I swear I saw his eye twitch.

"No," he replied coldly, glaring at me. "My eyes are this way because I have obtained the mighty Mangekyou Sharingan."

I stared at him, trying not to show that I had absolutely NO idea what he was talking about.

"Um, cool! So how'd you get it?" Maybe finding out that bit would help me figure out what the heck it was.

"By killing my best friend."

Well, **that** was helpful.

"Oh my gosh! What would your mother say?"

"I killed her too."

I stared at him.

"Wow, you are one SERIOUSLY messed-up Care Bear…" I exclaimed.

I heard snickers from the others, which were quickly silenced when Psycho glared at them.

Well hell, that guy killed his _best friend _for Bob's sake. If I pissed him off, I'd be pretty worried too. Oh, wait…

He turned back to face me.

"Now," he said slowly. "_Why _did you call me a Care Bear?"

There was evidence of suppressed laughter from the group.

"Uh, well see, you just reminded me of an Emo Care Bear…Y'know, with the hair and everything…" I averted my eyes from his face, and started to study the patterns on the wooden floor.

"What's wrong with my hair?"

Silence.

He sighed and shook his head slightly.

"Anyway, we're not here to talk about my hair. Now what do you know about Orochimaru?"

I kept my mouth closed. Ooh, there was a speck of dust on the floor…

"I said, what do you know about Orochimaru?" he repeated. His voice was calm and quiet, but I could feel the hairs rise on my arms.

Still, my mouth stayed clamped shut. God, my headache was getting worse… A thousand more needles were hitting my brain every few seconds, and the goat was getting feisty.

Then Grim just HAD to open his mouth.

"Hurry up bitch! King of the Hill starts in 5 minutes."

That was it.

"There's a freakin' goat eating my brain, and all you people can think about is a goddamn TV programme?" I exploded, causing the small crowd clad in cloaks to stare at me.

Eventually, Grim shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, yeah."

* * *

YES! FINALLY FINISHED! 7 whole pages…This took me 3 days to write. If no-one likes it, I swear I will scream.

Yeah, Itachi was a bit OOC. Sorry about that ^^'

It was kinda hard to imagine what he would do to some-one if they called him a Care Bear though… Apart from kill them. And 'cause of Yuki keeping her mouth shut, he had to do most of the talking T-T

I'll try and update more frequently now; I need to develop characters so I can get the Christmas Special up on time!


	6. Christmas Special

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, or the 'Twas the night before Christmas' poem. I just changed it a bit. Or the song "I'm Not Okay" By My Chemical Romance.

Ah; Christmas at the Akatsuki base. A time of festive cheer, presents, over-excited and even more hyper-active than usual "individuals" (not naming any names…*cough* Tobi *cough* Yuki *cough* *cough*). It was also a time of particular interest by one of the members, who was not particularly appreciative of the seasonal holiday celebrations.

Guess who?

"I'm not okay…" I happily dashed around the base, hanging tinsel and holly on every available surface, while un-seasonally singing "I'm Not Okay" in an extremely cheerful voice.

(Due to my "eccentricities" as some people might put it, I usually end up humming Christmas carols subconsciously around July, and singing extremely un-festive songs when carols are appropriate XD)

But anyway, it turns out that one of the places I had hung these delightful decorations was a very scary man's very shiny scythe. Oops.

As I skipped (yes, skipped) into the living room, I noticed that a large black wall had materialised in front of me. Frowning, I stopped, and stared at the wall with a puzzled expression on my face. Looking both left and right, I tried to find a way around the wall which was oh-so-inconveniently blocking the doorway.

"Erm, excuse me Mr. Wall, but can you move please? I need to get into the living room."

Apparently, the wall wasn't in the mood to talk because it just stood there, in all its pitch-black glory. Due to these people's apparent obsession with red and white clouds, they were printed all over the wall, which had a familiar-looking scythe standing beside it.

"Mr Wall?"

Hidan stared at the frustrated girl in front of him. Tapping her on the shoulder, he asked:

"What the fuck are you doing?"

When he received no answer, he turned and continued to the kitchen.

_Wait a minute _he thought._ Didn't I mean to kill her?_

Ah well. Sandwich first, killing later. She would probably still be there when he got back.

I was getting impatient now. Walls were so rude these days!

Eventually Tobi came along, and saw me standing glaring.

"Yuki-chan, Tobi was wondering what you are doing?"

Keeping my eyes on the wall, I replied:

"Well, Tobi-san, there appears to be a wall here that I have not noticed before."

"Oh. Can Tobi help?"

"Sure!"

"Yay! But, um, Yuki-chan?"

"Yu-huh?"

"What ARE we doing?"

"We," I declared proudly. "Are going to glare at this wall until it moves."

"Oh, okay. But Yuki-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"Tobi doesn't think that's a wall."

"Huh?" I squinted at it, trying to see what he meant.

I might have figured it out too, had we not been interrupted by a rude voice coming from the wall.

"Are you two REALLY that stupid?"

I screamed, diving against the corridor wall; and assumed the fetal position, whimpering softly.

Tobi was immediately by my side, placing his arm around my shoulders and rubbing my back consolingly.

"Yuki-chan! What's wrong?"

Slowly, I raised my head to meet the masked shinobi's eye.

Shaking, I whispered:

"Tobi, the wall _spoke_."

"Oh for God's sake."

A familiar voice interrupted our comfort-moment, and soon my eyes met with a bright blue one, and a mass of blonde hair where the other should have been.

I quietly gasped. Mr. BGWITMM! (AKA Deidara) All hunkered down, just for me. Aw.

Sighing, he flipped his hair out of his eyes (although it fell back immediately afterwards), and explained in the nicest way possible:

"That wasn't the wall speaking you idiots. In fact, it isn't even a wall to begin with. What you heard was simply-"

He was interrupted by the wall (see what I mean about walls being rude?), which suddenly yelled:

"Hey bitch, I've been meaning to fucking get you back for that !"

Suddenly a tall white-haired figure burst out of nowhere, and started running towards me. Blinking, I stayed seated on the floor, with, what I assumed was a senile old man running towards me.

He **did** have a very long and sharp walking stick though. And he seemed determined to wedge it very deep into my throat, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

Luckily for me (and probably Deidara too, as he was crouched right in front of me), the guy who looked like Ichigo from Bleach, only with piercings appeared.

"HIDAN! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW MISTER!"

I stared at him. Jeez, he really _did _sound like a nagging woman!

(…he _did_ save me from scary guy though. Twice…)

Hidan - or Grim as I like to call him – stopped in his tracks. Rolling his eyes, he turned around to face my saviour.

"What?" He snapped irritably.

"For the _last time_ Hidan. Do NOT kill Yuki." He explained in an exasperated tone.

"_Why?"_

"You know why. Now shut up and go cut down a Christmas tree. If you insist on carrying that goddamn scythe everywhere, you might as well use it."

Hidan headed for the entrance, muttering his usual delightful mix of curses and death-threats under his breath.

I stared at the empty space where Hidan was, with my mouth wide open for many moments before realising that Deidara lay unconscious in front of me. I sighed. Men and their fainting…

"Clean up in Isle 3." I declared sarcastically before chuckling to myself quietly, while Tobi and the other guy (who I annoyingly only knew as "Leader") stared at me.

I cleared my throat.

"Well, um…I'd better um… get on with hanging the decorations…" I stuttered, before bolting for the living room, and slamming straight into the wall.

Turns out, Itachi likes to nap standing up.

Blocking doorways.

And he does NOT.

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Appreciate being woken up.

Especially by extremely-hyper 14 year old girls.

Turns out, it makes Itachi-san a VERY unhappy bunny indeed.

…

"YUKI!"

"I was just hanging holly!" I cowered into a corner, doing my best please-don't-kill-me puppy eyes. "Honest!"

Needless to say, he soon told me where to stick my holly.

_Twas the night before Christmas,_

_And all through the house,_

_Not a creature was stirring,_

_Not even Hidan's dirty, dirty mouth._

_The booby traps were set_

_By the chimney with care,_

_In case of a burglar_

_Who entered the lair_

_The villains were snoring_

_Their weapons by their heads_

_Dreaming of killing_

_Snug and warm in their beds_

_And Konan in her 'kercheif_

_And Pein in his hat_

_Had finally shut up Tobi_

_So they could take a much-needed nap_

_When out on the lawn_

_There arose such a clatter_

_Pein sprang from his bed_

_To see what was the matter_

_He flew to the window_

_His face was a sight_

_Who could be walking_

_In the middle of the night?_

_Well, whoever it was_

_They were in for a fright_

_For no-one interrupts Pein's naps._

_At least, not without a fight._

_His face like thunder,_

_He threw open the shutters_

_Scaring the poor birdies_

_Asleep in the gutter_

_When the birds all flew past,_

_He got such a start_

_He fell on his bum_

_Oh! It did smart_

_He rose from the floor_

_Thoroughly cheesed off_

_And ready to kill_

_Anyone who did scoff_

_Rubbing his rear,_

_He returned to his spot_

_And gazed onto the lawn_

_So the culprit could be caught_

_His pain and determination_

_Was not all in vain_

_For there in the garden_

_Was the one to be slain_

_The girl was on her knees_

_Panic in her face_

_As she tried to re-piece_

_A precious plant pot of Pein's_

_Curse words were mumbled_

_Underneath her breath_

_As she tried to fix it_

_And avoid early death_

_But alas! The task _

_Proved impossible for her_

_So she sighed and walked off _

_With the wind in her hair_

_A bemused Pein_

_Wandered back to his bed_

_With visions of bloodshed_

_Dancing merrily through his head_

_Now his plant pot was gone_

_And the patio was bare_

_Now there were no flowers_

_To brighten up the lair_

_With death in his head_

_And anger in his heart _

_He firmly vowed_

_Revenge on his plant-pot's part_

_But soon he was asleep_

_And it was quiet once more_

_Apart from the quiet _

_Click of the door._

_Into the kitchen_

_A young girl crept_

_Scurried to her bedroom_

_And into bed she leapt._

_And so all was quiet _

_Once more again_

_But thankfully for Yuki_

_She was not slain._

"Merry Christmas Pein!"

I held out my gift to the bemused leader.

"Come on, this is _heavy_."

A puzzled expression on his face, he took it. And as he tore off the paper, his face lit up.

"Um, your old plant pot, um…"mysteriously broke", so I got you a new one!"

Pein stood up and declared:

"There will be no killing today!"

While everybody stared at him like he had grown three heads.

Bleh :P it doesn't fit into the story so far, but I didn't want to upload it as a separate one, cause of all the people on Story Alert (see? I'm so nice ;D)

For the record, this doesn't affect the story. It's more of a spin-off that I didn't upload as a seperate story for the people on Story Alert, and it would delete my reviews for it if I changed it now...

Merry Christmas everybody!

(Or happy holidays or whatever)


	7. Tied to a Chair

**Disclaimer: **So, I don't own Naruto and stuff. Really. Oh, wait, I own Yuki though! And Bob and Steve. Who aren't in this chapter. But they will return! Eventually.

Sorry this is so LATE! (I say this nearly every time I upload a new chapter ¬_¬)

Lately, I just haven't felt like writing… I should be back to normal now though (hopefully!) :D

* * *

"_There's a freakin' goat eating my brain, and all you people can think about is a goddamn TV programme?" I exploded, causing the small crowd clad in cloaks to stare at me._

_Eventually, Grim shrugged his shoulders._

"_Well, yeah."_

* * *

I glared at him.

"You selfish jackass!" I yelled, straining against the ropes, causing them to cut into my wrists even more. "Lemme outta here!"

I struggled with the ropes, wiggling my body around in a vain attempt to loosen them; twisting and turning, only causing them to tighten.

I gasped as the rope bit into my waist, clutching tighter, making it hard to breath.

But I wasn't going to give up now. I continued my furious escape attempt, but at most, only causing the chair to screech against the floor and shift around a little.

Eventually, the chair tipped over backwards.

And what did those ass-holes do? Turn off the light, shut the door and left me there. Without saying a word.

And so, I lay on the floor, tied to a chair. My back against the ground, my feet in the air. As you can probably guess, it wasn't a very comfortable position to be in.

Glaring at the ceiling, I vowed not to say another word to those jackasses when they tried to interrogate me. Not even a 'hn' would pass these lips.

After a while, I fell into a shallow and fitful sleep, filled with dark, dangerous dreams.

_Click_.

My eyes snapped open as I heard the quiet sound of the door opening and closing, before a shady figure appeared above me, grabbed the back of the chair and pushed it back to its proper angle.

I assumed it was around dawn, as the room was now dimly lit by the delicate light coming from several large windows along one side of the room.

Now that it wasn't so dark, I could see that the room wasn't as large as I had first thought. In fact, it was actually quite small, around the size of my bedroom back home. The walls and floor were both smooth, bright, OCD white, and it eerily reminded me of an asylum. It was empty aside from two identical chairs, one of which I was still tied to.

My eyes widened as they travelled to the wall that had been at my back. What I had originally thought was several windows was actually one huge wall of glass. And the _view_! It was easily the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

The room was a few feet away from the edge of a cliff, from which a beautiful sea stretched as far as I could see. The sun was slowly rising over the horizon, causing the water to sparkle and dance gracefully.

I was so taken by the view that it took me a few moments to realize that this meant I was faraway from civilization. Far away from help. In front of the base was a massive forest, which I would easily get lost in, and out here was a huge expanse of water, which I could never have swum across, even with a month of training and as much equipment as I could want.

I could never escape.

The realization that I would probably never see my home again felt like a punch in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me and causing my eyes to prickle with unshed tears.

Blinking, I slowly turned my head back to the figure who was now seated in front of me.

His hair was a mop of scarlet flames, which hung slightly into his reddish-brown eyes. He sat half in shadow, the sun lighting the other half of his pale face.

He was my kidnapper.

He was the one who brought me here.

He was the one who had ruined my life.

Suddenly I felt a rush of hatred for this man, this beast that had stolen my life in the blink of an eye.

Adrenaline pumped through my veins, causing my muscles to tense in preparation.

If I hadn't been tied back, I honestly would have killed him.*

His face stayed expressionless, his eyes staring into mine, two circles of burning flames, as if a fire lurked inside his skull.

I could feel them drilling into my soul, slowly penetrating my defences, willing me - _commanding_ me to give up. To open up. To betray all of my secrets to a stranger. A stranger who could–and _would-_kill me without a second thought.

At that precise moment, I decided that this man, this _thing_, had no soul.

At all.

Had no soul in the vampire sense, traditional vampires, _real vampires,_ heartless murder machines who care for nothing more than the blood they crave. Who slaughter innocent people for fun, who go on killing sprees for a laugh. _Not_ the Sparkle In Sunlight, Stalk Teenage Girls type of vampire, which seems to be increasingly popular in Konoha.

Not the goody-two-shoes has-no-soul.

This guy was pure _evil. _

Nevertheless, I continued to stare at him, falling deep into his eyes. The windows of the soul, as they are often called.

How ironic.

Staring; falling. Searching; failing.

Searching for something, _anything, _a shred of humanity, a memory, some kind of _emotion._

Just a shred.

But nothing.

Fucking nothing.

I felt like screaming.

_My life was crap. Now it's even worse._

**Yuki, you-**

_Shut __**up**__! My life __**sucks**__! Face it, I had a crappy life in Konoha; and now it's even worse! And you know what the worst part is?_

**Yuki-**

_I deserve it! I __**freaking deserve it! **__Rika was right, I am NOTHING!_

Suddenly, I felt like my soul was crushed.

My chest was imploding, I couldn't breathe.

The _pain._

The pain was unbearable. My chest was ripping in two.

I wanted to _die. _Anything, to escape this pain.

I gasped, and struggled to inhale.

My throat felt like it was closing.

My heart was in shreds.

And then it happened.

A single tear rolled down my cheek.

The first I had shed in years. _Years _I had spent building my defences, slowly, slowly separating myself from the rest of the world, all so I wouldn't be hurt. All to survive.

And this jackass had destroyed it.

In less than thirty seconds flat.

* * *

* (…Or tried to anyway. In retrospect, it's probably a good think that I didn't, as he _was _an S-rank criminal, who could have easily slit my throat and left me to bleed to death on the floor.)


	8. Steve Returns!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto. I own Yuki, Bob and the awesome golf club that gave Deidara a concussion. Steve is awesome because I say so.

This chapter is dedicated to Michael. I hope you feel better soon! :3

* * *

_And then it happened._

_A single tear rolled down my cheek._

* * *

I sat completely still then.

Not moving, not breathing.

It slowly rolled down my cheek, like it was enjoying the fresh air after all these years. It kept going until it slid down to my mouth, covering the edge of my lips a salty solution.

I swallowed slowly, and tilted my head back, letting my eyes slide shut.

Now I was properly awake, and so was my headache.

A sharp spear of pain cut through the centre of my head, and then there were more and more of them, constantly striking, over and over, until every inch of my brain was writhing in pain.

I bit my lip, and tried to ignore it.

_I can't give in…can't let it out…_

**You're crazy, you know that?**

_Shut up. Don't you get it? If they see me in pain, then they've won._

I could feel my 'conscience' staring at me.

**Then if you're not saying anything; I AM.**

_What the-_

My thought process stopped in its tracks, because at that moment I let out the loudest scream I had ever heard.

Ouch.

_Well done, idiot. Now my ears hurt too._

Ohmigod. Every part of me felt like it had been trampled by the very angry goat inside my head, and its family.

Oh jeez, that goat had a BIG family.

I groaned, and slowly opened my eyes.

"I'm _dying._"

I was met with the usual expressionless monotone.

"No you're not."

"Gah!"

I began to moan softly.

Who can blame me? I'd just spent the past…2 days? Without food. Or water. And to add to the fact that I was completely dehydrated, I had trekked through a forest for a whole day before spending the night tied to a chair. Upside-down.

"I'm gonna die y'know. If you don't let me out of here, I'm seriously gonna die."

Redhead just continued to stare at me.

"If you tell us what you know about Orochimaru, we'll untie you. Until then, you are considered a danger to yourself and others."

"What?"

I was too tired to be surprised.

"I told you, I don't even _know_ who this freakin' Orochimaru _is."_

I yawned. Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep for the next week or so.

Then there was a knock at the door.

A woman's voice chimed behind it.

"Sasori, can I come in?"

There was no reply, but she came in anyway.

The door was to my right, on the opposite side from the window. It was smooth and white, like the rest of the room. It was starting to creep me out.

The woman was about my height, except a little taller. (When I'm standing up, obviously).

She was dressed in the same black and red design that seemed to be my world now.

I don't know if there's such a thing as pale indigo, but that's the only way to describe the colour of her hair. It was quite short and straight, kind of a bob-cut. She had a large paper flower over to the right side of her head, on top of a side-swept fringe that was perched over orange eyes.

She walked over to redhead. Either he was Sasori or The Invisible Man had returned.

"Sasori, _what_ do you think you're doing?"

"…What?"

"I said, what do you think you're doing, leaving a young girl tied to a chair all night? This doesn't look good you know."

"Yeah!" I exclaimed. "I could sue you!"

They both turned to stare at me.

Did I say that out loud? Oops.

I cleared my throat.

"Erm, continue."

The woman just shook her head slightly and turned back to Sasori. Or the Invisible Man. Whatever.

"Did you at least give her some food?"

Silence.

"Oh for God's sake Sasori, just because you don't need to eat doesn't mean everyone else doesn't!" she snapped.

Eep. She looked _angry._

She turned around to face me.

"How are you feeling?" she asked in a surprisingly soft voice.

I started to tremble slightly. I widened my eyes, doing my best to look innocent and scared.

"Goats…" I whimpered, cowering back in my chair.

She whipped back round to face Sasori again.

"Look, she's delusional!" she hissed, glancing in my direction.

Hehehe. Looks like those drama classes paid off!

Sasori raised his hands.

"Hey, that was nothing to do with me!"

I began to moan quietly again.

"The pain…"

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back again.

"The _pain…" _

"Oh, for God's sake…" Sasori muttered.

The woman glared at him before turning back to me.

"Where does it hurt?"

"_Everywhere,_" I whispered, staring into her eyes, and trying to make it look as if I was crying.

My act seemed to work, because she immediately untied me, and helped me out of the wooden chair.

I stumbled and nearly fell, before she grabbed my arm to steady me. I had to act like I was nearly passed out from fatigue, which wasn't too hard, as I had killer pins and needles up and down my legs.

She led me out of the room (with Sasori glaring at me all the while), and down a few corridors. I'm not the best at remembering things. Especially when I've had a crappy night's sleep, so I was soon completely disorientated.

Eventually we came to a plain wooden door, which – to me - looked identical to every other plain wooden door we had passed.

My saviour decided this was a good place to stop, because she opened the door and half-led, half-carried (I was near exhaustion by this point) me inside.

It was a small, narrow room. When I walked in, there was a small wardrobe on my right, and a bed along the left side, with a small shelving unit, the same height as the bed, at the bottom. There was a square window above the bed, which had a view much like that of the white room I had been in previously. Beside the bed was a small dresser, made of the same pale beech wood as the rest of the furniture. The whole thing was quite simple really. Maybe it was the size, or the likeness to my bedroom back home, but I felt immediately safer there.

"I'm Konan, by the way."

"Yuki."

My eyes were becoming harder and harder to keep open.

"You can sleep here for now. I'll get you some water."

"Thanks…" I yawned.

She turned to walk out.

"Wait!" I realised. "I don't have my pyjamas."

She opened the wardrobe briefly before passing me a neatly folded black bundle. Wordlessly, she left the room, with the door clicking softly behind her.

I yawned again, and began to get changed, surprised at how easily I accepted the idea of staying here for any length of time.

* * *

There was a soft knock at the door as I sat cross-legged on the bed (which was surprisingly comfortable), and Konan entered, with a tray in her hands.

The door closed with a soft _click_ as she handed the tray. On it was a tall glass of water, a pair of chopsticks, a small bowl of rice and two small white tablets.

"Here, you need to eat. The tablets will help your headache."

"Thanks," I mumbled. I reached to lift the glass to my lips when-

**Hey! Wait!**

I paused.

_Well, look who's back._

**Well, if you're going to be like that then-**

_My ears still hurt. I didn't even know I could scream that loudly._

**Well, it got us out didn't it? But anyway, how did she know you had a headache? **

_...Ugh, who cares?_

**Those pills could be drugs. They could knock you out, or even kill you.**

_I suppose. But if they'd wanted to kill me, why didn't they do it when I was tied up?_

**This way leaves little or no evidence. If they'd stabbed you, there's a chance the authorities could eventually link it back to them. This way, they could set it up to look like suicide.**

…_(Why is my conscience smarter than me?)…_

**I can still hear you, you know.**

_Dammit._

**Most people have common sense, which keeps them from doing things like touching fire or staring at people who are potentially dangerous instead of just shutting the door. You, however, have a lack of this. I'm here to compensate. I consider the worst case scenarios in many situations, and decide whether the risk is probable enough to be a notable danger. Otherwise you would have been dead a **_**long**_** time ago.**

_And being drugged by someone who just saved me from dying of eventual dehydration, fatigue or starvation is more probable than just being given painkillers?_

**An improbable situation, but not impossible.**

_Okay then, let's say that they've decided to kill me. Why not do it while I was tied up?_

**It's easier. If there wasn't an element of trust, you would have refused to take any tablets or other medication offered, and put up a fight. This could potentially cause bruising or cuts which could add suspicion or doubt to a suicide theory.**

_Fair enough._

Believe it or not, this exchange with my morbid companion took part in only a few seconds, and so there wasn't a noticeable pause before I asked:

"Wait. How do I know these aren't drugs?"

Konan blinked.

"Why would we drug you? You're going to fall asleep any minute anyway."

"There would be less evidence this way."

"Less evidence of what?"

I swallowed, and looked down at the tray.

"Murder. If you were going to kill me, firearms or melee weapons would cause suspicion in a murder investigation. Who would want to kill a 14-year-old girl? There would be questions, investigations over involvement in gangs or drugs. When none are found, the police would turn to others, known offenders, wanted criminals, shady organisations. Why risk all that when you can do it with two little white pills?"

She sighed.

"Itachi was like this when he first joined. Always on edge, determined that everyone was out to get him."

"And were they?"

"Well, no-one wanted to _kill_ him, and even if they did they knew better than to attempt it. Not at first anyway… But, no. 'Out to get him' in the sense that everyone was pulling pranks, left right and centre." She smiled at the memory. "They soon stopped when they discovered that he doesn't have much of a sense of humour."

She glanced in my direction.

"Look, we're not going to force you to take anything. It's your choice." She stood, and walked over to the door. "Those pills will help your headache, and I'll bet that's the first food you've seen in a while. Trust me."

"Then how did you know I have a headache?" I challenged.

"I overheard your conversation with Hidan. With the comment about the goat, the only thing I could liken it to was some kind of head pain."

"Oh."

She smiled again, and left the room; quietly closing the door as always.

Gingerly, I lifted a small amount of the rice. It appeared to be normal, white, short-grain rice; the same as I had eaten all my life.

To be honest, I was past caring if it was poison or not.

Plain rice and water has never tasted so good.

* * *

I stared at the small white circles on the tray. I sighed, before closing my eyes and swallowing them with the last of the water, ignoring the furious voice in my head, screaming at me to stop.

I placed the tray on the floor, next to the bed, and slipped under the covers to enjoy what could have been a sleep I never awoke from.

I was just going to have to trust a stranger.

* * *

-Konan's POV-

* * *

I sighed as I collapsed onto the sofa, sitting in the seat next to Pein.

"You need to stop sending Sasori to take prisoners."

"Hm?"

Pein turned to face me, a look of mild disinterest on his face.

"Were you even listening to me?" I snapped.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm trying to decide when to send Itachi and Kisame out for the Jinchuuriki."

"The Chunin exams?" I suggested. "And anyway, does it even _matter_ right now? Sasori left that poor girl tied to a chair all night!"

"…So?"

"Without food or water. She could have died, and then where would we be? We'd have no information, and we'd have to cover up her disappearance, which will be hard enough as it is."

"At least it'd keep Zetsu quiet for a while."

I punched his arm.

"How can you be so inhumane?"

He rubbed his arm and cowered away in mock fear.

"Oh _please _don't _hurt _me Konan!" He replied sarcastically. "And in-case you haven't _noticed, _I'm the leader of a _criminal organization._ I didn't get anywhere by being humane."

"I know." I replied quietly, before standing up and walking out of the room.

* * *

-Yuki's POV-

* * *

I awoke to someone rudely poking the middle of my forehead.

"No Captain Banana!" I mumbled. "Don't kill the muffin king!"

The poking was back. Dammit.

Reluctantly, I slowly opened one eye (the one that wasn't half-covered by the fluffy white pillow that was now my best friend. In case you haven't guessed, I sleep on my side). It was met with a bright blue one. Terrific. As if things couldn't get any worse, Mr. BGWITMM was back.

Oh well. At least I wasn't dead.

"Morning." He grinned at me.

"Bleh." I stuck my tongue out at him before closing my eye again in an attempt to return to my dreams about the notorious Captain Banana.

It was a failed attempt.

"We have your stuff, un"

"What do you want, a ransom?" I mumbled into my pillow, trying to turn away. However, turning required energy, and I was still sleepy, so I couldn't be bothered. I settled for opening my eyes again instead.

He rolled his eyes.

"Very funny. Now get up so we can have breakfast, yeah."

"Breakfast?" I moaned. "What _time _is it?"

He smirked at me. "Eight AM."

"…You expect me to survive on _eight_ hours of sleep?"

"Yep. Now get _up _already un."

"Fine," I grumbled. "Did you get my clothes?"

"They're in your wardrobe, yeah."

I yawned and stretched before walking over to the wardrobe and collecting a small pile of clothes.

"Where's the bathroom?"

"Second door on the right, un."

Yawning again, I opened the door, and slowly headed towards the bathroom.

Like every other door in this building, it was plain wood. All I could do was grab the handle, and hope I didn't walk into a sleeping ninja's bedroom. They probably wouldn't be too happy if I did.

Luckily, behind the door was a small, white bathroom. Complete with shower, bath, toilet and sink, with a frosted glass window sitting neatly above the sink.

I locked the door, made sure that the lock _worked, _and turned on the shower.

* * *

I glanced down at my outfit. Dark blue jeans, stripy rainbow socks, and my black t-shirt with 'I'm too Cool to be Normal' written on it in bright red lettering, and a picture of a grinning cartoon turtle underneath.

Meh, not too bad.

I glanced in the mirror next to the door as I ran a brush through my dark, bob-cut hair. Short at the back, and long at the front; with my over-grown 'emo' fringe covering my left eye.

I stared at my reflection for a few seconds, before applying a little black eyeliner around my amber eyes, and folding my pyjamas, before unlocking the door and strolling back to my bedroom.

I placed the pyjamas under my pillow before pulling the black duvet cover up neatly.

Deidara appeared at the door.

"Breakfast's ready, un."

I stared at him.

"Where?"

"Just follow me, yeah."

I sighed before reluctantly following him out of the room and down several more corridors.

After a while, the corridors widened a little, soon we arrived in a hallway, with two sets of glass–panelled doors on either side. From what I could see, one led into a living room, with several sofas and a large, wall-mounted, flat-screen TV. The room we were going into seemed to be a kitchen/dining room.

I didn't really get much of a chance to look in the door before I was dragged inside by Deidara.

In the centre of the room was a long glass table, with about six or seven people sitting around it, all dressed in identical red and black cloaks.

After the table, the room joined to a large kitchen, half-separated by a breakfast bar with three stools sat underneath. Atop one of these, I recognised the emo care bear drinking coffee while conversing with a blue man who reminded me of Jaws.

At the table, I distinguished a few of the people from my 'interrogation' , including Grim and Sled-dog, who was seated at the head of the table.

But I didn't get to look for anyone else, because at that moment I suddenly found myself being crushed in a lethal bear-hug.

"Yuki-chan!"

It took me a few seconds to realise that the orange blur I had seen flying at me was in fact my new-found friend, and candy-mountain buddy, Tobi.

I gasped. "Tobi!"

I flung my arms around him, (after I had pried them from his death hug), and enjoyed the warm feeling that comes when you know you have a friend, and that everything's going to be alright.

A few seconds later, Tobi had dragged me over to the table, and was now introducing me to everyone as I sat beside him.

"Okay, this is Sasori-san, and Deidara-sempai," he informed me, pointing to my kidnappers. "That's Kakuzu-san and Hidan-san over there." He pointed to Grim and a guy with a black mask covering the bottom half of his face. "That's Pein-sama." He pointed to sled-dog.

"You refer to me as leader or leader-sama. That is all," he instructed in a monotone.

Tobi ignored him, pulling me back up and over to the breakfast bar.

"This is Kisame-san and Itachi-san,"" he told me, while Kisame grinned at me and Itachi ignored me.

"And who might you be?" Kisame asked, looking me up and down.

"This is Yuki-chan!" Tobi informed him. "We're going to Candy Mountain together!"

"Really?" Kisame asked, raising an eyebrow. "Well, um, you kids have fun with that!"

"We will!" Tobi replied happily, before dragging me past into the kitchen. After a few steps he stopped, and turned back.

"Oh yeah…" he muttered. "Morning Itachi-san!" he yelled, running back to give the ninja a huge bear hug, not dissimilar to mine.

Itachi didn't know what hit him. There was a loud yelp as Tobi leapt at him, while snickers were heard from the table, and Kisame burst out laughing.

"Tobi," Itachi said slowly. "You have three seconds to get off of me before I MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN YOUR ASS!"

Tobi was off like a shot, and within seconds was dragging me to the kitchen again.

"Konan-chan!" He sang in a sing-song voice.

"Morning Tobi." The blue-haired kunoichi smiled at him as she prepared what I assumed was breakfast. "Morning Yuki."

"Morning." I said with a small smile.

Tobi pulled me over to a cabinet and started pulling various items out.

"Tobi…" Konan started warningly.

"Don't worry Konan-chan!" Tobi assured her cheerfully. "Tobi won't make a mess."

Konan just shook her head and walked back to the table, carrying plates with her.

Tobi thrust a tray of ingredients at me.

"Does Yuki-chan know how to make French toast? Tobi likes it but no-one will make it for him."

My mouth turned into a sly smile as I remembered what had happened last time I tried to cook.

"Sure Tobi, I'll make you French toast."

I cracked a couple of eggs into a bowl, beat them, and added milk.

"Tobi, can you get me a saucepan please?"

"No problem Yuki-chan! Tobi is a good boy!" he exclaimed happily, handing me the pan.

Walking over to the sink, I washed my hands before turning to the stove…

* * *

Much to my disappointment, I didn't manage to burn the base down. Instead, I was left with a pile of French toast, which did actually look edible.

"Wow." I muttered, sliding a few slices onto two plates, and handed one to Tobi. "Edible food!"

"Yay! Thank you Yuki-chan!" Tobi took his plate and a fork before sitting down at the table and motioning for me to sit beside him.

We were met with numerous stares as we sat down to eat. The others were also only starting their meals, but a few seemed to take particular interest.

That few included Hidan, who was sitting across from me.

He peered over at my plate.

"Hey! How come you get French toast?"

"'Cause I'm awesome, that's why." I replied, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Yuki-chan made Tobi toast!"

Hidan glared at Tobi, and slyly leaned over to take a piece of my breakfast.

"No! Mine," I growled possessively, putting my arm defensively around my plate.

He glared at me, and I met his gaze.

For several moments we stayed like that, glaring at each other, before-

"HEADON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!" I yelled randomly.

Hidan jumped, and I snickered at him as I munched my toast.

"What the hell was that about, un?" Deidara asked from next to Hidan, staring at me like I was crazy.

I swallowed.

"Well Deidara," I told him. "When Hidan tried to steal some of my toast, and then glared at me, we were silently agreeing to a competition over who could maintain eye contact the longest. The winner gets the toast! Quite simple really."

I bit into another piece of toast as Hidan stared at me.

"That's what you thought that meant? Holy crap, I was just glaring at you woman!"

"Um, it was entirely subconscious?"

Hidan turned back to his breakfast.

"Whatever, bitch."

I sniffled.

"That's not very nice!"

Kisame sat down in the chair next to me.

"That's just Hidan. He insults everybody, so you'd better get used to it."

"You're not getting any of my toast either, y'know."

"…Dammit."

* * *

I rolled my eyes as Deidara led me into the room next door.

"I'm not gonna get _lost _y'know."

"You could get lost in an empty cardboard box, un." He opened the door and motioned for me to sit down on one of the four black sofas that were congregated around the large flat-screen TV.

Tobi jumped onto the seat next to me.

"Tobi! You'll break the springs, yeah!"

"Tobi is sorry sempai!" Tobi gazed at him with puppy-dog eyes. "Tobi is a good boy!"

Deidara just rolled his eyes and pulled several cardboard boxes out from behind one of the sofas, while Kisame, Sasori, Konan, Tobi and Hidan watched me.

He shoved one over to me, and I began to rummage through it, finding mainly clothes.

"Wow, it's like Christmas." I exclaimed sarcastically. "And you even brought my English homework. How can I ever thank you?"

"English homework?" Sasori asked in a voice that was scarily close to having emotion in it.

"Well, yeah. Y'know, _homework. _The stuff you get at school 'cause teachers think you have nothing better to do."

Sasori looked slightly puzzled.

"The mission report said you worked at the ramen stand."

I gave him a strange look.

"I do! Did. Whatever. But it was part-time. Loads of people have part-time jobs."

Tobi began to bounce up and down.

"What was Yuki-chan's homework?" he asked excitedly.

"Tobi, it's not that exciting. Really," I told him, reaching into my messenger bag for my notebook. "I have to write a poem about summer, using _personification." _

Hidan raised an eyebrow.

"Ooh, big word." he said sarcastically.

I ignored him.

"Yuki-chan, what does that word mean?" Tobi asked me, leaning over to get a look at my black spiral notebook.

"It means to present an object or thing as being alive, like a person or animal."

"Oh, right. What did Yuki-chan write about?"

I flipped open my notebook, and turned to the page where I had started to write.

"Well, I've only really started it but so far I have:

_The little ants screamed in terror as the sun sent down its deadly rays,_

_Glaring down on them, and lighting their little bodies ablaze,_

_They cried and begged him to spare their poor lives, _

_But the sun's only answer was to stab them more, his sunshine like knives._

So, what do you think?" I asked cheerfully.

Everyone was staring at me. They looked quite disturbed, actually.

"I liked it," Hidan said, peering over my shoulder to look at my notebook. "I especially liked the burning ants. Try and put a little more detail into their pain and expressions in the next verses, and maybe have the sun laughing evilly at them."

"Thanks!" I beamed at him, before looking around at everyone else. "What's wrong?" I asked innocently.

"Um, very morbid, un," Deidara poked his head over the sofa. "Now, I need you to promise me something, yeah."

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Promise me that if I give you this, you won't use it to cause mass death and destruction, yeah."

"Deidara, that's the whole point of the Akatsuki," Pein stated dryly as he walked in.

"Yeah, whatever, un. You get the point."

I rolled my eyes at his dramatics.

"Fine, I promise. Now what is _so _dangerous that-"

My voice trailed off as a glint of silver caught my eye.

I gasped, and leapt out of the chair, running at full speed towards that beloved golf club.

"Yuuuukiiiii!" A deep voice called my name as we began running towards each other (in slo-mo).

"Steeeeevvveeeee!" I grabbed Steve in my arms, and hugged him so tightly that he would probably be choking if he could breathe.

* * *

The five ninja stared at the girl and her golf-club, each wondering if the others had heard the voice. They soon dismissed it as their imaginations, since _everyone_ knows that golf-clubs can't talk… (…right?...)…

Deidara crept over to the sword-wielding shinobi.

"Pssst, Kisame."

"What?" The blue shark-man whispered.

"…Did that golf-club just walk over to her, un?"

"I-I don't know," Kisame replied, observing Deidara's scared expression; which he would normally have laughed at, had his own face not been an identical mask of confusion and fear.

* * *

I could practically hear 'Reunited and it feels so good' playing in the background.

I was so happy I almost smashed him onto Deidara's head again. _Almost_. Luckily for Deidara but not-so-much for Steve, I restrained myself.

"Oh yeah! That's reminds me. Steve, this is Bob," I said, taking the rock out of my pocket. "Bob, this is Steve. Be nice to each other! Steve saved me from Deidara, and Bob kept me company when I was bored."

* * *

Pein cleared his throat and leaned over to Sasori.

"Is she always like this?" he asked in a hushed tone.

"It would appear so," Sasori replied, his voice devoid of emotion, as always.

* * *

20 pages! I think that's a new record for me :)

Sorry Steve didn't really appear until the end, it took me ages to get to that part and then I couldn't think of anything else to put ^-^

Oh well, this chapter is too long as it is… :D


	9. The Attack of the Rabid Blue Raccoons

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, I would eat cake for breakfast :D mmm…cake **

This chapter is dedicated to Craig. Happy Birthday! (Sorry it's late…)This is also dedicated to Michael and his "Epic Pain".

Constructive criticism is much appreciated, so please feel free to tell me if you don't like something! It means I can improve my writing skills :)

Oh yeah, and to crescent 912 – Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like it :D Although I'm not sure if the characters being different is a good thing or not… Sorry if they are OOC.

Thank you to all my reviewers!!! I think last chapter got the most reviews I've ever had in one go… I *heart* you all!

Steve: *Hi-fives his fans* (even though he doesn't have hands…)

I'm talking too much, so I'll finish by saying that I have a popularity poll for Steve on my profile, so please check it out! :)

I'm also taking requests for oneshots, so PM me if you're interested.

This chapter is random because I was feeling hyper when I wrote it. Even though I didn't have sugar today T-T (*is sad from lack of sugar*)

Enjoy!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_Pein cleared his throat and leaned over to Sasori._  
_"Is she always like this?" He asked in a hushed tone._  
_"It would appear so." Sasori replied, his voice devoid of emotion, as always._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I glanced over at them.

"Did you say something?" I asked innocently, hitting Steve lightly off the palm of my hand.

Pein and Konan sneakily left the room, while Sasori glared at me.

"That is none of your concern."

I blinked at him.

"Really? Actually, I believe it is. You _did _leave me tied to a chair all night."

I paused for dramatic effect, waiting for the shocked gasps coming from everyone.

…

…

…

I sniffled. Where were my epic gasps? But just as I was about to ask, something jumped onto my back, making me lose my balance.

I hate gravity.

"Ah!" I yelped as I smashed face-first onto the floor.

"Oh noes! The rabid blue raccoons are back! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" I shrieked, attempting to wave my arms. The thing that had just attacked me though (which I assumed was a rabid blue raccoon) had knocked Steve onto the floor, and then sat on me, pinning my hands behind my back, meaning I was totally unable to wave them dramatically. Which sucked, from my point of view. I wanted my arm-waving abilities back!

A few seconds after saying that though, I began to think about how wrong it must look to have a raccoon sitting on your butt when you are lying face-first on the ground.

OH. MA. GAWD.

"NO! Stupid images, get outta my head!!!" I yelled, hitting my head against the floor in an attempt to rid my mind of the most unpleasant images flooding my mind. Unfortunately, the floor was carpeted; so it didn't hurt much.

By the time I started to think about something else, (which was about 4 seconds later, because I have a short attention span) I stopped banging my head off the floor and thought about actually _looking_ to see if it _was_ a raccoon I was being attacked by.

Turned out, it was Tobi.

Oh well. At least that would explain Hidan's sudden inability to stop sniggering. For a few moments there, I thought he was ill.

"Um, Tobi," I started.

"Yes, Yuki-chan?"

"Why are you sitting on me?" I asked slowly, surprised at how calm I sounded.

"Tobi tried to hug Yuki-chan, but Yuki-chan fell over." Tobi explained innocently.

I blinked.

"You tried to hug me, by jumping off of the sofa?!"

"Yep! Tobi heard that it is called _glomping._"

"Well Tobi, I'm afraid I have a horrible feeling that this doesn't look like a hug."

"Oh. What does it look like?"

I began to hit my head off the floor repeatedly. Curse you, childish innocence!

_Thud._

_Thud._

_Thud._

Dammit, I was still conscious. Maybe Sasori could give me some lessons on knocking myself out; he seemed to manage okay when he was kidnapping me…

I was daydreaming again. Crap. Why did I always have to mentally ramble in situations like these?

"Um, Tobi," Kisame said. "I think you should get off of her."

Yay for fishy-man! At that moment, I decided that Kisame was my bestest friend.

He smirked. Uh-oh, smirking means something bad is coming.

"If she keeps hitting her head like that, she might kill a couple of brain-cells. And from what I've seen, she _really_ needs them."

Screw that. Kisame had just been demoted to my enemy. Nah, I can do better than that! He was now the resident goldfish.

Annoyed, I decided to tell him this.

"Kisame," I announced proudly, "You have just been officially demoted to a goldfish. Now dance!"

Kisame stared at me.

"Wha-?" He started, but thought better of it; instead just shaking his head and declaring: "You know what? I don't even _want _to know."

Thankfully, Tobi had stopped sitting on me by this point, which meant I could sit up once more. I rubbed my nose (which got smashed when it hit off the floor.)

I decided to bum-shuffle over to the sofa, which was the perfect height for me to lean my head and back against. Hooray for ninjas and their strangely high sofas!

"You see Kisame," I told him, stifling a yawn. "When you insulted me I decided you don't deserve the title of my best friend. Therefore, you shall now be called various nicknames, all to do with fish."

Kisame looked confused. "Since when was I your best friend?"

"When you saved me from Tobi. When you insulted me, you lost that privilege. Now dance for my entertainment please." I said, leaning back against the squishy sofa, the front of which was equally squishy; which was good, because it meant it was comfortable and because squishy is a cool word.

Silently, I began to wonder about why the sofas were so high.

_Maybe it's so people can lean against them when other people are hogging the seats. Or so drunk people can't crawl over to them and climb up onto them to sleep. Or so that small people who fall off might break a limb. Like me! Except I'm not that small…_

My moment of random wondering was interrupted by Deidara waving his hand in front of my face. I noticed that it had a mouth on it for some strange reason that I couldn't be bothered wondering about.

"Earth to Yuki, un."

"Why are your sofas so high?" I asked him innocently.

He stared at me.

"What?" I asked irritably. "Why do you people keep staring at me?"

I yawned again, and stretched my arms above my head.

"And on a completely unrelated subject, I need a nap."

I attempted to climb onto the squishy sofa for a supremely satisfying nap, but soon discovered that I was right about drunk people not being able to climb up on them. Except I wasn't drunk. Although I was sitting on the floor…

"Screw this…" I muttered, before pulling myself to my feet and flopping onto the sofa. Ah, that sofa was so comfortable…

Itachi entered the room, and decided to interrupt my attempt at a happy-time nap.

"Orders from leader. Get up now."

"_Why?" _I whined.

Itachi just continued in his exciting voice of one tone.

"We are going to test your stamina, as well as your other abilities."

Uh-oh. That sounded bad.

I yawned again, and snuggled down into the sofa.

"Well," I began slowly. "_Leader_ can just go to-"

"You move, or I use my mangekyou sharingan."

"What does that do?"

"It will allow me to mentally torture you for what will feel like 72 consecutive hours, but will only be a split-second in the real world."

"…Well, _that_ sucks." I sighed, and reluctantly abandoned The Provider-of-a-place-for-naps.

"We will meet again!" I promised the sofa, before following Mr. Emo Care Bear out of the room.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

He led me out to the garden. Or what I assumed was a garden. It was outside, at least. Somewhere between the forest and the cliff, which was good since I would probably fall off the cliff if we were there. Or get lost in the forest. Or both.

There was a large training ground, which was in a clearing in another, but thankfully much smaller, forest. It had all the usual things that a training ground has, practice dummies, targets, and a track painted in white around the area.

Itachi decided this was a good place to stop; although he decided not to tell me, which resulted in me keeping walking until he grabbed my collar.

"Owies!" I rubbed my neck. "That was sore!"

Itachi ignored me. I decided that he either ignored everybody, or he saved it for me. I wasn't really sure which option was best, but he shoved me forward with one hand before I could decide.

I stared at him blankly. For once, he met my gaze, and pointed to the track.

"We will test your stamina first. You have 25 minutes to run 35 laps around the training ground, or you won't get lunch."

I stared at him, open-mouthed.

"No lunch?" I whimpered.

"No lunch."

Suddenly realisation hit me over the head, and I suspiciously asked:

"Wait, shouldn't you test other stuff before stamina?"

"24 minutes."

Dammit.

Reluctantly, I started to sprint around the training field, knowing there was no way I would be able to keep the pace up and earn some food.

_Unless…_

"No cutting corners!" He yelled.

So much for that plan.

Oh well. Maybe Tobi could sneak me some lunch…

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I'm sorry, that chapter sucked… *cries in corner*

Bleh :P I wanna hurry up and get to the plot! Even though this chapter was mainly pointless rambling on my behalf…

Oh well. Reviews make me update faster! (See how fast this was? *Is proud*)

And about the Tobi situation, I have been told that I have slightly sick and dirty mind, but I blame it on The Matrix. Even though I have never seen it.

Oh well. My author's notes are too long, so I will finish with another request for reviews and a promise that the plot will appear soon. I just need to catch it first…

*Grabs giant net and sets off to the Forest of Death*


	10. Rainbow Socks and Laminate Floors

ZOMG! I have the best reviewers ever! You guys are awesome! *Throws candy to everyone who reads this story*

I was worried that the last chapter sucked, but you guys have convinced me otherwise. So I thought I would thank everybody updating quickly :D (As promised!)

And on another note, I FINALLY CAPTURED THE PLOT!!!

*Growling noises come from a large steel cage*

It is very angry. 0_o

**Disclaimer: **I'm running out of creative ways to say I don't own Naruto, so I'll be at the store buying some more.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"_You have 25 minutes to run 35 laps around the training ground, or you won't get lunch."_

_I stared at him, open-mouthed. _

"_No lunch?" I whimpered._

"_No lunch."_

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

My lungs were on fire. I forced my shaking legs to move in a forward motion, trying to ignore the pain accompanying it.

"Stupid Care Bear…" I muttered, before remembering not to waste oxygen.

A few seconds later, my legs decided to give up on me and I fell to my knees, struggling to breathe.

Curse my unfitness! And curse my stupid legs that decided to take a nap right when I was passing Itachi.

He walked over to me, which wasn't too hard as I was only a couple of feet away. He glared at me with those black eyes. Stupid weasel could be intimidating when he wanted to be.

"3 minutes left. You still have 21 laps to do."

I tried to glare back at him, but I just collapsed into a coughing fit, which made my throat and chest hurt more.

"Can I at least have some water?" I managed to ask, before more coughs took over my vocal chords.

"Water counts as lunch."

You have GOT to be kidding me. This guy was crazy!

I groaned and flopped onto my back, closing my eyes and trying to ignore the pain in my legs and throat.

"You're not running," Itachi informed me in a bored tone.

"What's the point? I'm never going to get lunch anyway…"

Itachi crouched down by my head, and took out a kunai.

"For every lap you don't run, I kill a kitten."

I gasped.

"You wouldn't!" I exclaimed in a shocked tone, sitting straight up.

He began to spin the kunai on one finger.

"Try me."

I clenched my teeth, and slowly stood up on my trembling legs, as I began to make my way around the track.

"Must…run…" I muttered. "For the kitties!"

I gradually gained speed, and soon went from a stumbling walk to a steady jog.

_I can do this! _I slowly realised. _I'm going to make it!_

I made it halfway round before falling flat on my face.

Mmm, grass.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Time's up."

I lifted my head from the ground, and let it flop back onto the ground out of fatigue.

"How many laps was that?" I managed to croak, before my raw throat was engulfed with coughs yet again.

"16." He said dryly, before starting to walk off.

I used my last burst of energy to wrap my arms around his leg.

"No Itachi-san!" I wailed. "Please don't kill those kittens!"

He blinked at me, before shaking me off of his leg.

"I'm not _actually _going to kill any."

I stared at him in disbelief, which was quite hard to do when looking up at him.

"Then why did you tell me that?"

He shrugged.

"You needed a motive to keep going. That seemed as good as any, and it got you moving, didn't it?" He told me, before adding, "And you're still not getting lunch, by the way."

He proceeded to walk off, leaving me to mull over what he had said while sitting on the grass.

Eventually, I reached the conclusion that he was a total fruit-loop* who I would have to avoid by all means possible. Yeah, that worked.

Yawning again, I realised that my lack of sleep was finally catching up with me. Stupid Deidara woke me up before I could sleep for a half-decent amount of time this morning. I needed more than eight hours, dammit! Especially if they wanted to make me run round a training field while threatening to kill innocent fluffy animals…

Silently using every curse word I knew as a prefix to Itachi's name, I found a reasonably comfortable spot on the grass, where I could lean my back against a large oak tree without moving too much.

Wincing at the pain when I swallowed, I tilted my head back, shut my eyes and began to daydream aimlessly. After a little while, Konoha drifted into my mind, and home-sickness washed over me in a flood of emotion, making me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. Forcing the thoughts from my mind, I tried to focus on happier things; like all the kittens Itachi didn't kill…

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Eventually, I must have dozed off; because when I slid open my eyes after a refreshing nap, there was a large Venus flytrap staring at me, which I was pretty sure had not been there before.

A scream caught in my throat, silenced before it could escape. I widened my eyes instinctively, and shrunk back against the tree in an attempt to shield myself from the two glowing amber circles that were staring at me.

Inside the green cage was a head, the face of which was split down the middle, pitch black on one side while plain white on the other. On top of this was a patch of spiky green hair.

A deep voice emitted from the darker side.

"**Should we eat her?"**

There were more of them?

The white side of his face started to speak in a slightly higher tone.

"I don't know if Leader-sama would approve…"

_Oh God. He has MPD. I am so screwed…_

"**He doesn't have to know. We could just say she tried to escape…" **The side that wanted to eat me licked its lips with a hungry look in its eyes.

_So screwed so screwed so screwed!_

"Hm, I suppose…" The white side trailed off, and appeared to be thinking.

The voice in my head sped up and increased in volume.

_SOSCREWEDSOSCREWEDSOSCREWED!!! OHMYGOD I NEVER SAW SUNA!_

Since when did I want to go to Sunagakure? Oh well, I was gonna die! Might as well think up some regrets…

Eventually the plant-man crouched down until he was at my eye-level.

He reached out a slim white arm, and poked my cheek.

I blinked at the sudden motion, frozen to the spot by fear and surprise.

The arm retreated again, and the creature opened its mouth to speak.

"PLEASE DON'T EAT ME PLANT-MAN!" I yelled suddenly, realising my mistake only a second too late.

"Well," It smirked. "It lives."

I looked down at the ground.

"My throat hurts…" I mumbled.

Why did everything always hurt when I was here? This place was like pain-city.

The creature placed a cold hand underneath my chin, lifting my head; which I immediately flinched at.

"Well well well…" It muttered to itself, inspecting me in a really creepy way. "What's a pretty little thing like you doing out here all by herself?"

Okay, so there was a half-plant half-human thing sitting right in front of me, which apparently wanted to eat me and thought I was pretty. I began to run through my options in my head, most of them involving running as fast as I could back to the base, and hoping I got there in time. None of them looked hopeful.

I sighed and moved my head back, retreating from the plant-man's grip. He didn't react to my movement, just dropped his arm back to his side. I decided to just tell him the truth, and hope he didn't eat me.

"Itachi left me out here, 'cause he said he had to test my stamina, and that if I didn't run 35 laps I wouldn't get lunch. I didn't run fast enough and I think he went inside, and I was tired so I decided to sit against this tree and I think I fell asleep." I explained in what was left of my voice, my speech punctuated by coughs every so often.

Plant-guy thought for a minute, before standing up and holding a hand out to me. I paused cautiously.

"Are you going to eat me?" I asked doubtfully.

He shook his head. I swallowed, debating whether I should follow or not. After a few seconds, I reached the conclusion that if he had wanted to eat me, he would have been as well doing it when I was sitting down. Unless he wanted to cook me or something…

Luckily for me, he just led me back inside, and into the living room; where everyone was sitting around, doing whatever they generally do in the living room.

He pushed me into the room, where I stood, looking sheepish.

"Take better care of your guinea pig Itachi, I almost ate her." He informed the room in a deep voice before… melting into the wall?!

Holy crap, these people were weird! And what did he mean by guinea pig? Like a test subject?

Kisame glanced over at me.

"So, I take it you've met Zetsu then?" He said, chuckling.

I narrowed my eyes.

"So, if I go outside on my own, I'm at a risk of being eaten." I said sarcastically. "Thanks for warning me!"

I turned on my heel and swiftly left the room, shutting the door sharply behind me. Not hard enough to have slammed it, but enough to create a noise enough to make most people jump.

I turned right, down the corridor I recognised from this morning, and wandered around for a good half-an-hour or so before I eventually found my room.

Once inside, I found that someone had kindly dumped two cardboard boxes of my things next to my bed.

Shutting the door behind me, I reached into one of the boxes, found a book and my ipod, and collapsed onto my bed; determined to have some personal time, and make up for the past 3 days, which had so far been the strangest of my life.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It had been about 2 o'clock when I came back inside, and about an hour later I could smell food coming from the kitchen.

My stomach started growling.

Feed me!

I poked it, trying to silence it.

"No. Shut up!"

Feeeeed me!!!

"Ugh!" I groaned, and turned the volume on my ipod up, grateful for the half-empty bottle of water in one of the boxes. Hehe, it had been right at the bottom, underneath my jeans… After draining it of any evidence of liquid, I had crammed it down the side of the bed, in the hope that no-one would look there. I didn't think Itachi would really care enough to search my entire room for any trace of 'lunch', but I didn't want to risk it. I didn't know what these people did to rule-breakers, but I sure as hell didn't want to find out.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Another hour passed. And another. My stomach seemed to have shut up, at least. Now my only problem was the intense boredom that came from sitting in a small room for several hours. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love reading, and music! It just gets a bit tedious after a while.

So I decided to explore.

BIG MISTAKE.

After literally 5 minutes, I was completely, totally, and utterly, lost. All the corridors looked the same in this place!

After about 20 minutes of wandering (I am eternally grateful for the clock on my ipod!), I was getting nowhere. Everything still looked the same! And to make things even worse, I had hit a dead end.

I groaned and turned to go back down the way I had come, when a glint of silver caught my eye.

A word of advice – don't ever follow a glint of silver when you are the prisoner of a criminal organisation. More often than not, it won't end well. Like most other things in life, (like not touching a hot stove, for example), I learned this the hard way.

Curious, I approached the object it had come from. This object was a door identical to all the rest, apart from the small silver plaque on the front, which read: '_Leader's Office. Do not disturb unless necessary.' _

Well, I was lost! That counted as necessary, didn't it? Regardless of the answer, I knocked on the door a couple of times before turning the handle and poking my head in.

In the room was a large mahogany desk, with Pein seated in a swivel chair behind it. Two small armchairs were placed in front of the desk, and I saw the back of two heads, the owners of which were seated in the chairs. Both heads had ponytails, but one was blond and the other was black.

Pein glanced up, and caught sight of me.

"Ah, Yuki! Just the person I was looking for!" He exclaimed, beginning to stand up.

Panicking, I shut the door quickly, and tried to make a break for it by running, very fast, in the opposite direction. Needless to say, I failed miserably.

I managed to leg it back along the corridor, and round the corner before I ran into a wall.

"Where's the fire?" The wall asked teasingly. Oh wait, it was Kisame. Jeez, he was _tall._

"No time to talk, running!" I babbled before trying to side-step him and continue escaping Pein.

He grabbed the collar of my T-shirt and lifted me a foot off the ground.

"Why are you running?" He asked me with a sharky grin.

I struggled to get free, but his grip remained firm.

"I think I may have evoked Pein's wrath." I explained patiently. "Now if you just let me go, I can continue running and-"

He cut me off, and gave me a curious look.

"What did you do?"

"I don't know!" I exclaimed in an exasperated tone.

Pein appeared at the corner.

_Dammit! I could have gotten away if it wasn't for Fishy-man…_

**Yeah, **_**sure**_** you could.**

I mentally stuck my tongue out, and pressed the button to release the hounds.

**Wait! Since when do we have–**

My conscience's speech was cut off by sudden screams, and loud growling sounds. I snickered. It would get me back for that, but I decided it was worth it to hear its screams. Even though it's technically me… Meh, details, details…

Pein approached me as Kisame placed me back on the floor.

"Yuki!" He announced. "I have a mission for you. Come." He motioned for me to follow, before heading back to his office. I reluctantly followed, glaring daggers at Fish-face, who just sniggered and walked off.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"You want me to do WHAT, UN?!" Deidara yelled, turning slightly red in the face.

"As I already explained Deidara, you will be spying at the Chunin Exams, along with Itachi and Yuki." Pein told him patiently.

Deidara was fuming.

"But why with _Itachi, _yeah?!"

Pein sighed, and clasped his hands together.

"Because you three are the youngest, and least conspicuous members of Akatsuki."

I was a member? Cool!

Pein continued with his explanation.

"If I sent Hidan and Kakuzu, Hidan would try to sacrifice Yuki, or Kakuzu would kill her in one of his infamous fits of rage. Zetsu and Kisame are too noticeable, and Sasori is a puppet. Obviously, neither Konan or I can go, as we have other business to attend to." Pein concluded, looking pointedly at Deidara.

"What about Tobi?" I asked cheerfully.

Pein looked at me as if I was stupid.

"If you two were in a team, there's _no way_ you'd survive."

"True, true," I said thoughtfully. "What do we have to do anyway?"

Pein looked relieved that I wasn't complaining.

"It involves you three posing as a team of aspiring Genin, participating in the exam, and gathering information on other villages. You leave tomorrow."

_Wait, did he say __**exam?!**_

"WHA-"

But just as I was about to start a yelling match, I realised that Pein had already thrown me out of his office. Damn ninja!

"Ugh."

I couldn't be bothered arguing. From the way the other members acted, it seemed as if Leader's word was law anyway.

Shrugging my shoulders, I went off to find Tobi.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I grinned as we stepped into the kitchen.

Tobi looked at me, and tilted his head to the side slightly.

"Yuki-chan, what are we doing in here?"

I smiled brightly at him.

"Well Tobi, I'm going to show you why I love laminate floors!"

He still looked confused.

"Why does Yuki-chan like laminate floors?"

"Because they are very, _very_ good for sliding on. But you need to be wearing socks!" I warned him, before running up and sliding down the length of the room on my beloved rainbow socks. "See?"

"Oh! Tobi thinks he understands!"

Tobi mimicked my movement, running up and swivelling his body side-ways before bumping into me.

"Yay! Tobi is a good boy!" He exclaimed happily.

"And do you know what else we can do?"

He shook his head innocently.

"Crazy spins!"

I proceeded to throw my arms out, and spinning for a few seconds before pulling them into my body.

After a few seconds, I fell over from dizziness, and collapsed in a giggling heap on the floor.

Tobi was immediately by my side, helping me up and sounding concerned.

"Is Yuki-chan okay?!"

"I'm fine Tobi!" I smiled at him. "Really. Now you try!"

I laughed as Tobi threw his arms out like he was playing at being an aeroplane, and started propelling himself around.

"Good!" I applauded. "If you want to get faster, just pull your arms in!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Kisame stretched and scratched his shoulder as he opened the door to the kitchen, wondering if Itachi would kill him if he ate the last piece of cake in the fridge. Probably. Surprisingly enough, the dark-haired teenager had a weakness for sweet things.

He swung the door open casually, completely unprepared for the strange sight that awaited him.

He blinked. Tobi appeared to be spinning on one leg, with his hands above his head like a ballerina, while his companion applauded him cheerfully.

"Again, I don't even _want _to know." He announced, before speedily exiting the room.

The dark haired girl and the masked shinobi looked at each other, before laughing and hi-fiving each other.

Tobi whispered something in the girl's ear, before grabbing her wrist and heading for the other members' rooms, with mischief inevitably in mind.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Tobi and I sped into his room, quickly shutting the door and sliding down it, still laughing so much that my sides hurt.

"Tobi!" I struggled in between laughter. "That…was…awesome!"

Tobi grinned at me.

"Tobi is a good boy!"

I ruffled his hair teasingly, a gesture which he immediately returned.

"Hey!" I pouted, pushing him away lightly. "No touching the hair!"

"But Yuki-chan ruffled Tobi's hair!"

"Um, that's 'cause I'm special!" I declared proudly.

"Oh, okay! Does Yuki-chan want to go eat now?"

My stomach let out a loud growl at the mention of food. I swear, that thing is out to get me!

Tobi smiled at me, and grabbed my wrist before opening the door and pulling me out.

"Um, Tobi…" I started nervously. "Didn't we…go into your room to hide?"

Tobi continued to lead me back to the kitchen.

"It's okay! No-one will care now."

"Oh… okay…" I muttered, praying that Tobi was right.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Cheerfully, he dragged me past the dining-room table. Surprisingly enough, the other members didn't bat an eyelid as we walked past.

_Guess they deal with stuff like this all the time…_

I thought absently, wondering if Hidan had discovered the Hello Kitty stickers stuck all over his scythe yet. He wasn't trying to kill us, so I guessed not. I smirked as Tobi led me into the kitchen; feeling slightly sad that I wouldn't see the result of Kisame's 'new shampoo', which was really just pink hair dye. I then realised that it was probably better this way, as we would probably be long gone by the time he had gotten up and showered; and therefore, he wouldn't have a chance to do me any serious harm. Ninja may like to get up early, but everyone knows you have to leave REALLY early if you're travelling. Hehehe, I would have to get Tobi to take a picture for me. Preferably before he hid in the attic for the next week, since the dye would have worn off by then…

The sudden awakening of my stomach informed me that food was near. I caught sight of the fridge, and began to run towards it, while I could practically hear 'Chariots of Fire' playing in the background.

I grabbed a hold of the handles and pulled open the door to find-

The background music of my life stopped playing.

"It's… it's…." My voice trailed off, and my stomach wailed in protest at the sight in front of me.

After not eating anything except 2 slices of toast all day, and being forced to run many, many laps around a stupid clearing, NOTHING could have prepared me for the horrific scene in front of my eyes.

The refrigerator was EMPTY.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

*Fruit loop in the sense of being crazy.

Yep, I'm back to regular updates again! *Holds for applause* I'll try and update every week now! For the time-being anyway… (Every time I say this, the next chapter is late. But I have loads of ideas for the parts after this, so hopefully I can keep it up!)

Review please! Or Itachi might change his mind about the kittens… :0

(Full credit to my best friend Linda for telling me to put that at the end XD)


	11. The Journey of Randomness Begins!

Sorry if the characters are a little OOC… My cousin said I made Konan too nice, but whatever :P

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, the Akatsuki, My Chemical Romance or any of their songs, or the phrase "Bring on the Trumpets!". That came from an epic TV advert. I own Yuki, Bob and Steve.

RANDOM STORY ABOUT THE AUTHOR: This morning, I looked up Greensleeves on YouTube (it was the first time I've heard it), then decided I wanted to learn to play it on the piano. So at 9.00 on a Sunday morning, I printed off the sheet music, and after about an hour of practising and nearly driving my parents insane, I can now play it. It might be the simplified one-page version, but it still sounds nice :)

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_NOTHING could have prepared me for the horrific scene in front of my eyes._

_The refrigerator was EMPTY._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I fell to my knees, throwing my hands to the ceiling dramatically.

"Why?! For the love of fudge, WHY?!" I wailed, putting my face in my hands.

"Um, Yuki-chan, we-" Tobi started.

I grinned at him before jumping back up, closing the fridge door and going back to being cheerful again. "Oh well! You guys have other food, right? Y'know, in case of an earthquake or pandemic or zombie-invasion…"

I trailed off, while Tobi stared at me, surprised by my random mood change.

"What?" I asked defensively. "I just wanted to be dramatic, okay?"

I rummaged through a few cupboards before I found a pack of prawn-flavoured instant ramen, thankfully something within my extremely limited cooking repertoire.

Clapping my hands happily, I put a pot of hot water on the stove, before adding the pack of noodles and stirring it. I would've jumped with joy at the sight of one of my favourite foods, but I was running low on energy.

3 ½ Minutes Later-

I triumphantly sat down at the table with my bowl of ramen, watching as Kakuzu eyed me warily from the end of the table.

"You'd better be paying for that."

I nearly spat my ramen out in surprise. I swallowed hastily, causing one of the noodles to go down the wrong way, and collapsed into a coughing fit.

Tobi thumped my back in an attempt to be helpful. Hard.

"Ah, thanks Tobi." I smiled gratefully at him. "You didn't need to hit my back that hard though…"

The crazy-mask-wearing guy was glaring at me, and I remembered why I choked on my noodles.

"Oh yeah…." I turned back to him. "Excuse me?!"

He glared at me with his creepy dark green eyes.

"I _said_," He informed me sourly. "You had better be paying for that food. The whole supply is carefully worked out for each members' needs, no more, no less."

I stared at him.

"But I've eaten stuff here before! I ate last night and this morning…" I protested.

"Zetsu was unexpectedly called out on a mission. That was why there was enough extra food for you, as well as a spare bed."

"Spare bed…?" I trailed off. "EW!"

Oh no.

I did NOT sleep in plant-man's bed last night. That is just creepy! I mean, no offence to the guy, but y'know… Ew.

He rolled his eyes.

"Obviously, all the bedding was changed. But you're still paying for that." He went back to reading what looks like a newspaper.

"Well in case you haven't _noticed_, I kind of gotkidnapped_, _so I'm afraid I don't have money handy." I rolled my eyes before going back to eating my uber-deliciously delicious ramen. Mm, ramen.

Tobi began to chatter to me about 'Yuki-chan's mission with sempai!'

I groaned quietly.

"Tobi, can we talk about something else please? I don't really wanna think about that just now."

"No problem Yuki-chan! But why doesn't Yuki-chan want to talk about it?"

I sighed.

"It's not the mission Tobi - well, okay, it kind of is – but it's mainly the fact that I have to go with those two." I looked pointedly at the end of the table, where Itachi and Deidara were sitting. As usual, they didn't notice me.

_Damn, I need to work on my psychic powers…_

**Which are non-existent.**

…_Kill joy…_

"What's wrong with Deidara-sempai and Itachi-san?" He asked, a little too loudly. They both looked over at me suspiciously.

_Oops…_

Quickly, I looked the other way, and feigned another coughing fit. Hidan glanced over at me.

"Do you have a bad chest or something?" He asked lazily.

Well, I used to have asthma… Okay, mild asthma. When I was 5.

"Um, yes!" I said, glancing over at Pein to make sure he was in earshot. "I have _really _bad hay-fever too. I mean, I would _never _make it as a ninja-"

"Nice try Yuki," Pein said without looking up. "But your medical records were clean."

I muttered an un-repeatable word under my breath.

"What was that?" Pein asked, acting as if he hadn't heard.

"That's kind of creepy, y'know." I remarked, subtly changing the subject. "You guys know tons of stuff about me, and I know practically nothing about you. It's stalker-ish."

"Well, my name is Pein and I am the leader of a criminal organisation called the Akatsuki. Happy?" He told me, before pointing at Konan who was sitting next to him. "Go round the table and each of you give some information about yourself."

That surprised me really. I didn't think he was that nice. Although everything he had just told me, I knew already.

**That was probably deliberate, dumbass.**

They went anti-clockwise around the table, to Pein's right. He and Konan were at the head of the table.

Konan started.

"My name is Konan, and I enjoy origami."

"I'm Kisame." The shark-man seated next to her grinned at me. "I fight with a sword called Samahada, but if anyone else touches it, spikes will protrude from the handle." He was still grinning when he said that. Creepy. "My partner is Itachi."

"Oh!" I was slightly surprised. "So you two are, _together_?"

I assume Kisame was blushing slightly, because it made him turn an interesting shade of purple. Hidan sniggered loudly, and for a second I thought I saw a small smile flicker across Pein's face.

"No, no!" Kisame said hurriedly.

"Members of the Akatsuki are each given a partner to work with." Pein explained. "They go on missions together."

"Oh." I said sheepishly, turning slightly red. "Sorry, I thought-"

"We _know _what you thought." Sasori interrupted in a bored tone.

"Well, sor-ree mister impatient. Who rattled your cage?" I replied sarcastically, before sticking my tongue out at him. As usual, my good-natured immaturity was ignored.

He was next anyway.

"My name is Sasori, and I create puppets. I have a strong interest in art, and I believe that True Art should be eternal." He said monotonously.

"I'm Deidara, and I believe art should be short and fleeting! Art is a Bang, un!"

_Wow, those two must get along well_. *Note sarcasm*

Hidan was sitting across from me.

"I'm Hidan, bitch. I'm immortal, and better than all of you. Deal with it."

"Okay?" I said slowly, before Kakuzu glanced over the top of his newspaper.

"My name is Kakuzu, and I'm the treasurer for the Akatsuki." He raised his newspaper back up again. Jeez, these people were so impolite.

There was silence for a few seconds before Tobi nudged me.

"Your turn, Yuki-chan!" He informed me happily.

I raised an eyebrow.

"But you guys know _all about _me already, so why bother?" I said slightly sarcastically. (If I ever meet the person who invented sarcasm, I will _so _ask for their autograph.)

"Just hurry up." Sasori told me.

"Fine." I said, glaring at him. I suck at glaring though, so it didn't really work. "My name's Yuki, and I'm 14. I like reading, music and sugar. I dislike the colour pink and people who kick puppies, among many other things. Your turn Tobi."

I was met with incredulous stares.

"_People who kick puppies, _un?" Deidara was looking at me like I was crazy. Actually, he was right. Mwahahaha. But seriously, kicking dogs is just sad.

"What?" I asked innocently. "It's true!"

He just shook his head slightly as Tobi started.

"Tobi is a good boy!" He exclaimed happily, before sitting back in his chair. "Itachi-san's turn!"

Itachi rolled his eyes and sighed disinterestedly.

"My name is Itachi Uchiha, I dislike a lot of things and my favourite food is dango."

"Dango?" I blinked at him. "Really?"

He looked at me strangely.

"Yes. Any particular reason as to why you seem so surprised?"

I shrugged.

"You just strike me as more of a hate-the-world-and-everything-in-it type of guy. They usually don't like sugar. Simples!" I said cheerily, giving them the peace sign.

"Well, aren't you the stereotypical one…" He muttered.

"Aren't you the hypocritical one?" I said, mimicking him slightly.

My eyes met with Itachi's inky-black ones for a second, and I was sure I saw a hint of confusion in them.

I stood up, and grabbed my plate while pointing to the kitchen. "Now Tobi, to the kitchen!" I exclaimed loudly in my super-hero voice, and snickered all the way at everyone's expressions.

Ah, I love screwing with people.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The next morning was rather uneventful, sadly. It mostly consisted of getting up abnormally early (which I did with a surprising lack of protest, mostly due to the fact I was counting on leaving before Kisame discovered he had turned whichever shade of purple that blue and pink make…), packing a rucksack and eating breakfast (cereal in my case) before departing.

I had packed my old school rucksack with some of my clothes, a couple of books and my ipod (of course), as well as a few essentials. Steve was slightly too big to fit in my bag, so I left his top sticking out and pulled both zips as far up against him as they would go, leaving me with a zipped-up black rucksack, covered in pin-badges, with a golf club sticking up in the middle.

Pein presented me with a cloak before I left, identical to the ones all of the Akatsuki wore. It was surprisingly light, and reached down to just under my knees. The sleeves went down to my fingertips, which suited me just fine. I've always liked sleeves that covered my hands, and it saves me wearing gloves when it's cold. It had several inside pockets, as well as two on the outside, like a normal coat. Underneath, I had on a long-sleeved red T-shirt, with a black short-sleeved T-shirt over the top; and a pair of dark blue jeans. I didn't really look like someone on a mission, but believe it or not, I have a surprising lack of ninja clothes. Probably because I'm not a ninja.

Shivering at the cold which bit into me as soon as I stepped out, I buried my face into the high collar, which covered most of my face.

Deidara smirked at me.

"Aw, are you cold?" He asked mockingly.

"As cold as a llama in a snowdrift." I replied bitterly.

He looked confused for a second. Haha, my plan worked.

"Llama's have fur, un. I doubt they would be cold."

"A bald llama." I countered.

"Why would a bald llama be in a snowdrift, un?"

"Deidara, that was your cue just to say 'touché' and let us move on with our lives."

"…You make no sense, un."

"Neither does your face!" I returned sharply, before glancing around. We were in the forest again.

Jeez, it was big.

_Better stick close to those two then…_

"That comeback is _old_." He replied smugly.

"So is the Third Hokage, and everybody respects him." I said. I was starting to enjoy myself now, and it was taking my mind off of the distance we would have to walk.

"What's the Third Hokage got to do with anything, un?"

I faked a shocked expression.

"Really? The supposedly intelligent ninja can't put two and two together?"

"At least I know what two and to make, un."

"So do I!"

"Really? What do they make then?"

"Negative 2 squared."

"…What?"

I smirked triumphantly.

"Haha! I outsmarted a ninja!" I said in a sing-song voice.

Deidara glared at me.

"You did not outsmart me, un."

"Oh really? I beg to differ, Dei Dei." His eye twitched at the nickname.

_Hehehe… Let's see how far we can go, shall we?_

"Just admit it, I have the upper hand here." I teased, still walking at a leisurely pace, alongside Deidara. Weasel was a couple of steps ahead of us; listening to our argument with an expression of quiet amusement on his face. "Face it Dei, you'll never be able to keep up with my random mind."

"You just insulted yourself, un."

"Random is not an insult, it's a compliment." I glanced over at him before yelling. "Bring on the trumpets!"

Deidara and Itachi stared at me.

"What the HELL, un?!"

I giggled quietly.

"Bring on the trumpets!" I yelled again, punching the air with my fist. "Bring on the trumpets!"

This continued for exactly 6 minutes and 37 seconds, much to the confusion and irritation of my companions. After several (failed) attempts to shut me up, they just walked on in silence, giving me the occasional 'WTF?' look.

After that, I decided to be quiet and took out my ipod. Placing the large black and silver headphones on my head, I put it on shuffle.

A few seconds later, the sound of a guitar strumming and small explosions filled my ears. I recognised the song instantly as 'Mama', by My Chemical Romance. I hummed along quietly, sticking my hands in my pockets and continuing to walk alongside the two ninja. Deidara seemed bewildered that I had finally stopped yelling, and they didn't even have to gag me! My goldfish would be proud. If I owned a goldfish, that is. Let's just say that if a random goldfish ever cared enough to be my pet, then it might have been chuffed for me that I managed to keep my mouth shut.

My ponderings over goldfish were interrupted by a large drop of water that landed on the tip of my nose.

"Damn, it's raining un."

I glanced up at the sky, which was filled with dark clouds. Smiling to myself, I removed an umbrella from my rucksack, before sliding it back onto my shoulders.

The rain was rapidly getting heavier, and more drops began to hit my face and hair as I opened my black umbrella, which was patterned with mini red strawberries. It was made for one person, but two could have managed. I saw Deidara eyeing it.

"What's wrong guys?" I asked innocently. "Don't you have umbrellas?"

Deidara shook his head slowly.

"Oh, _what _a shame." I said, pretending to be sympathetic. "And it looks like the rain's going to get a lot worse. I guess you guys are gonna get soaked, huh?" I smiled brightly at them.

Deidara subtly stepped a little closer to me, so he was by my side.

"Hey, can I-"

I shook my head.

"Uh-uh! You tried to blow me up, remember?"

Deidara fake-sighed.

"Really? You're going to let a small thing like that get in the way of a potential friendship, un?"

I put my finger on my lip, pretending to consider.

"Hm, let me think… YES." I twirled my umbrella, causing the water droplets to fly onto his face. I smiled at him cheerfully. "I don't really like it when people try to kill me."

Itachi was slyly approaching my other side. Damn, he was sneaky. He nearly made it underneath before I noticed him.

"Nice try weasel." I took a step to the left, in the opposite direction from him. "You made me run laps."

"Those were leader's orders."

I considered for a second.

"Fair enough. You _did _threaten to kill innocent kittens though…" I grinned and walked on ahead of them both, satisfied in the fact that I would be dry by the end of the rainfall, while they would be drenched. I took joy in that small fact, and it cheered me on, despite the cold wind that had started batter against me mercilessly, determined to penetrate my cloak.

Let me get one thing straight though, I'm not a total bitch. Normally, I would have shared my umbrella. Okay, maybe not shared it, but I wouldn't rub it in everyone else's faces. However, these two were currently seen as the enemy, and so I took it upon myself to gloat mercilessly, much to their annoyance.

"Deidara, your hair is starting to frizz." I informed him cheerily.

Deidara's eye started to twitch again.

Haha.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sorry for all the picking on Deidara in this chapter… ^^'

Okay, I have an announcement! I'm going to put a poll up on my profile for who you would like Yuki to end up with, so please take a few minutes to check it out if you want a say.

HOWEVER, please note that although this will influence my decision, I will still have the final say; so please don't bombard me with hate mail if the result is not what you wanted.

Thanks, and review please!


	12. The Journey to Konoha, Day 1

Sorry for not updating last week, but I was away Monday-Wednesday and then away again on Friday-Sunday. Basically, I was at home for about a day-and-a-half. So I didn't have much time to write :/

I also have an essay to finish, but I did a whole paragraph tonight and I'm too lazy to finish it just now.

Poll Update: Currently, Itachi is winning with 8 votes, while Deidara has 5. Feel free to vote if you haven't already :)

I've also uploaded a few Complicated Simplicity drabbles (all exactly 100 words long), so you might want to go read them, and review :D *Hint, hint*

And again, thank you to all the people who reviewed! You all totally rock!

**Disclaimer: **I think you should know by now that I don't own Naruto. I also don't own any of the riddles in this chapter; I just changed them a little. I do however; own Yuki and my answer to 'Why is a raven like a writing desk?'

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_Deidara's eye started to twitch again. _

_Haha._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I smirked, and thought about how sad it was that I didn't have '_Singing in the Rain' _on my ipod. Oh well.

I started to hum it quietly, twirling my umbrella and skipping along happily, yet again causing confusion on my companions' behalf.

"What are you doing?" Itachi asked me quietly, from a few steps behind.

I turned around and smiled.

"It's called having fun. You guys should try it sometime." I informed him cheerily, twirling my umbrella for dramatic effect, before turning back around and putting my headphones on again.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It kept raining for the next couple of hours, gradually getting heavier and heavier, until we were forced to stop (which was fine by me, it meant that I got a break form walking). I followed Itachi and Deidara into a small-ish cave, which was dry, at least; albeit cold. It wasn't big, but it wasn't small either. It was just…average, I suppose. That's really the only way to describe it, just average, nothing special.

The back of the cave was only about 10 feet away from the entrance, but I headed there, placing my backpack onto the ground and sitting down next to it. I pulled my knees up to my chest in an attempt to conserve warmth. It didn't work, and I buried my head into the high collar on my cloak, resting my forehead on my knees. I glanced up at the two ninja, who were still standing near the entrance, talking about something too quietly for me to make out.

_They're probably using charka to keep themselves warm…_

**Probably.**

_Why can't I do that?_

**Because you're not a ninja, dumbass.**

_So? Every living thing produces charka to some degree._

**Yeah, but you don't have enough charka or experience to release it outside your body. Anyway, isn't that a really hard technique to learn?**

_Probably. Stupid experienced ninjas, with their stupid awesome powers…_

**You do realise you just contradicted yourself?**

_Um…I meant to?_

**You know, that doesn't really work when you present it as a question.**

_And your point is?_

**I'm going now.**

_Good! You just continue…erm… going then!_

**Fine then, I will!**

_Good!_

**Fine!**

_Okay then!_

**Okay!**

And with that, it left and all was quiet once more. Well, not really. It was still pouring with rain outside and it had started to get incredibly windy; causing a surprising amount of noise.

I lifted my head up and observed the two shinobi at the mouth of the cave. They appeared to have finished talking, and Deidara pointed to something outside before Itachi nodded once and quickly departed.

Deidara walked over to the back wall and sat down next to me.

"Where's weasel going?" I asked curiously. "I didn't think he liked rain _that _much."

"He's gone to get firewood, yeah. The rain doesn't look like it's going to let up any time soon, so we might be here for a while."

"M'kay."

I looked at the blonde seated next to me.

"Hey, your clothes are dry!" I said accusingly.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Well done, yeah. Gold star and a smiley face for observation." He said sarcastically.

I ignored the sarcasm.

"Well, how come?" I persisted.

"Ninjutsu, un."

I rolled my eyes.

"Is there anything you _can't _do with ninjutsu?"

He chuckled lightly, leaning back against the wall, and putting his hands behind his head.

I clicked my fingers in triumph.

"I bet there isn't a ninja technique to make cookies!"

Deidara blinked in surprise.

"What?"

"Haha! I have found your secret weakness!" I announced, grinning broadly. "Ninja are unable to bake cookies without doing it the normal way!"

I rested my head on my hand while I thought.

"Okay, now I just need to figure out how that could be used against someone…" I nibbled my lip thoughtfully, before nudging Deidara. "Come on Dei, what technique could you use against someone that would mean they required cookie-baking skills to defend themselves?"

Deidara stared at me, as if he was unable to decide whether to be amused or freaked-out.

"You're a weird kid, un…" He muttered, shaking his head slightly.

"I know!" I grinned at him before poking his arm with my index finger. "But I'm bored, so say something or I'll start another random conversation."

"If I didn't talk, there wouldn't _be_ a conversation, un."

"Who says I was talking about you? I could have a conversation with myself."

He gave me a strange look.

"Okay?" He said slowly, dragging the syllables out to show that he thought I was crazy.

Just as I was about to come up with a snappy comeback (although it probably would have been less snappy and more crappy), Itachi entered.

He was completely drenched. And I mean _completely._ His long bangs were sticking to the sides of his face, and his clothes were actually dripping water when he came in. He had several logs in his arms, which he threw into a pile on the floor before making a hand-sign.

A couple of seconds later, there was a small poof of smoke and he was completely dry.

I stared at him, open-mouthed.

"How did you do that?!"

He glanced over at me.

"Ninjutsu." He said casually.

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my arms with my hands to try and warm up.

Itachi nudged one of the logs so that they were all in a neat pile, before making a few hand-signs and taking a deep breath.

A couple of seconds later, a giant fireball came out of his mouth, setting the logs alight.

Instinctively, I yelped and dove into a corner, curling up and putting my hands over my head in an attempt to shield myself from the flames.

A few moments later, I realised that I wasn't being burned alive, and cautiously opened my eyes, lifting my hands away.

Instead of being greeted by the sight of uncontrollable flames, instead there was only a small campfire; which Itachi and Deidara were now seated next to.

Deidara snickered. "Scaredy-cat, un."

I glared at him, and sat up.

"Well, _excuse me_ for never having seen someone breathe fire before!" I snapped sarcastically.

"Ooh, who rattled your cage?" He asked mockingly, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know, but they stopped when I bit their hand off." I retorted, and walked over to the fire, before sitting down with my back to the wall.

Deidara stared at me.

"Are you always this morbid, un?"

"I don't know what you mean." I said innocently. "Anyway, there's nothing wrong with being morbid. A lot of lateral thinking questions are morbid, to some extent."

"Lateral thinking, un?"

"It's when you have to think outside the box." I explained. "You get lateral thinking questions that you can do for fun. For example, if there's five people at a picnic, and five apples in a basket. Everyone takes an apple, but one remains in the basket. How can this be?"

"The last person took the basket with the apple in it." Itachi said dryly.

"Smarty-pants." I teased. "You could've given Deidara a chance, it's obvious he's not that bright."

"Hey, un!"

I giggled slightly and ducked to avoid Deidara's hand colliding with the back of my head.

"You're one to talk, un! Five minutes ago you were talking about defeating ninjas with cookies!"

"Well, at least _I _will be prepared when everyone is being killed by evil giant cookie monsters!"

"Oh yeah? Well- wait. Did you just say _cookie monsters, _un?"

"Yeah," I said defensively. "They could come from outer space and take over the world!"

"And you call _me_ stupid…" Deidara muttered.

"Meh," I shrugged. "I've been called worse. Can we go back to lateral thinking? That was a nicer subject."

"If you stop calling me stupid, un."

I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. Truce?"

"Meaning?"

"It means that we stop insulting each other, and you give Itachi and I a lateral thinking question to stop us all dying of boredom."

"How would you die of boredom, un?"

"Well," I said thoughtfully. "I might go insane and try to kill you both, which would probably result in you two killing me, and then possibly each other. So hurry up."

"Fine, un." He cleared his throat. "The leader of a rich and powerful clan has two sons. In order to decide who will succeed him and inherit his fortune, he tells his sons to race to a distant village on horseback. The one whose horse arrives last will be the winner. The brothers wander through a forest aimlessly for days, before asking a stranger for advice. After listening to him, they jump on the horses and race as fast as they can to their destination. Why did they start racing, when only moments before they were trying to be the slowest, un?"

"They swapped horses?" I asked immediately.

Deidara nodded, and I cheered quietly.

"See? I'm smarter than I look." I said, grinning. "Wait, I take that back. I think I just insulted myself."

I pondered for a few seconds about whether I insulted myself or not, before giving up and declaring:

"Your turn Itachi!"

Itachi was silent for a few moments, and just as I was about to repeat myself, he spoke.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" He asked quietly, a slight mischevious glint in his eyes.

"What, un?"

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" The Uchiha repeated, a little louder.

There was quiet for several minutes as we both tried to make sense of it; with the only sounds being the patter of the rain outside and the occasional crackling of the fire.

Eventually, Deidara raised his hands in defeat.

"I give up, un." He stated. "What's the answer?"

"There isn't one." Itachi said, a small smile creeping onto his face. "It's a pointless riddle, the joke being that there is no answer."

Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Great Uchiha, congratulations on making us look like idiots, un." He said sarcastically, clapping a couple of times for added affect.

I stayed silent through this exchange, continuing to think for a little longer until Deidara finished his rant.

"Because neither one is a particularly good choice of underwater weaponry." I announced, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "And they're both nouns."

"What?" Itachi asked, with a hint of confusion in his tone. I noticed that he was staring at me.

"That's why a raven is like a writing desk." I explained. "Neither a raven, nor a writing desk is a particularly good choice of a weapon to be used when fighting underwater. I mean, they wouldn't be particularly _bad _choice, but neither one is really useful in that context."

His dark eyes were still fixed on me, studying me intently.

"What?" I asked after a few seconds; a little defensive, and starting to wonder if a bee had decided to make its nest on my face or something. (I don't know why one would choose my face of all places, but it could happen!)

He shook his head slightly and turned his gaze away.

"It's just an unusual answer, that's all." He muttered, staring into the flames.

I rolled my eyes, holding my hands above the fire and rubbing them together in an attempt to get some feeling back into them.

_Jeez, i__s it always this cold here?_

**It's the middle of winter**_. _

_Oh yeah…that would explain a lot…_

**Dumbass.**

_Meanie._

"How long will it take us to get to Konoha?" I asked, not really directing the question at either shinobi.

"About 3 days, un." Deidara informed me, glancing at the scene outside. "Depends on whether it keeps raining or not."

"What happens if it keeps raining all the time we're travelling?" I challenged.

He shrugged.

"We'd either have to cover as much ground as possible when it stopped raining, however briefly, although that would mean it would take us much longer to get to Konoha, un; or we'd just have to get used to walking in torrential rain."

I sighed. "Well, that sucks."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

-3 Hours Later-

I clicked my iPod on briefly, so I could see the clock: 1.07 PM. The rain had finally stopped, and we had been waking for the past two hours or so. The sun had even decided to pay a brief visit, although not much of it got through the thick canopy the trees provided.

Jeez, walking was boring. Especially when your only source of entertainment was the two people you were walking with. I couldn't be bothered annoying them, I'd have enough to deal with when we got to Konoha without incurring the wrath of two S-Rank criminals, which was basically the equivelant of a death wish in my book.

_So…bored…_

Seriously, you can only play I-Spy with yourself for so long before it moves to the top of your 'Most Hated Games Ever' list.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

-7 Hours Later-

Eventually, after many hours of practically non-stop walking (occasional 5-minute breaks don't count), we stopped at a clearing in the forest.

The sun had been slowly receding all afternoon, and within the last few hours it had almost completely disappeared. It was almost completely dark, and Deidara and Itachi had been forced to admit defeat and stop for the night. Haha, even ninja can't beat nature.

Again, Itachi used his fire-ball jutsu to make a campfire. I didn't get as freaked-out as last time, but I still flinched involuntarily, silently wondering if I would ever get used to people breathing fire. Probably not.

Deidara passed me a rice-ball out of his bag, which I ate in silence, uncomplaining about the bland taste. Hey, at least it was food! I was developing a theory that Itachi had some kind of vendetta against lunch, because we hadn't eaten anything else all day.

The rest of the evening was rather uneventful, with Deidara and Itachi agreeing to take shifts throughout the night. Due to my lack of ninja-skills, I didn't get a shift, which meant that I got to sleep through the whole night. Go me!

However, it was a whole night spent on the ground, in a flimsy sleeping bag. Damn, you don't realise how many stones there are on a seemingly flat patch of grass until you have to lie on it all night. Ouch.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Itachi shifted around a little, in an attempt to find a reasonably comfortable position on the tree-stump he was seated on. His eyes scanned the horizon, constantly on edge in case of enemy attack. Not that there should be any, the area was practically deserted aside from the occasional group of bandits.

He tensed at the sound of a voice whispering in the darkness, but relaxed slightly when he realised it was only Yuki.

"Deidara." She whispered.

She was met with no response.

"Deidara!"

A little louder now. There was the sound of fabric shuffling around and the bomber groaned quietly.

"What, un?"

"I'm cold."

"Then put your cloak on, yeah."

"I have it on! I'm still freezing."

"So what did you wake me up for?!"

"Well, you have a ton of spare blankets."

"So?"

"Can I have one?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"I'll start singing…" She warned.

"Wow, I'm so scared." Deidara replied sarcastically.

A deep intake of breath was heard before-

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T END!" She began singing at the top of her voice.

Itachi flinched at the sound, and glanced around the area once more. If that damn girl didn't shut up soon, she was going to attract all the living things in the vicinity.

"Fine, un!" The blonde hissed angrily.

There was a quiet sound of fabric being thrown, before a muffled 'thank you!' was heard, and all was quiet once more.

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Is there a jutsu to make your clothes dry? Oh well, there is now!

Review please! I will give virtual cookies to everyone that does! :D


	13. The Journey to Konoha, Day 2, Part 1

I've made some minor changes to Chapter 3. (A Rock Named Bob), so you might want to re-read it (it's quite short anyway).

Sorry this chapter is late. I'm lazy and have been working on other things lately… (curse my lack of inspiration!) Really, I know what I want to happen but find it hard to write sometimes. And if I rush it, it gets crappy. Or crappier. Whatever.

I'm also writing this instead of doing a project on healthy eating. It's so boring :0

**Poll Update: **Deidara has caught up, and they both have 8 votes now. *Dramatic music plays*

**Disclaimer: **I own Yuki, Steve, Bob, Captain Banana and the Spinach King. That list would be nicer if I could add Naruto to it, but that's probably never going to happen.

**Safety Warning: **Don't run with swords! Even if they're made of candy, they might still be sharp.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Let me tell you something about myself; I hate mornings. A lot of people do, it's a perfectly normal thing. Really, it's on my delightfully short list of things that are 'normal' about me. Unfortunately, this also means that trying to wake me up when I'm tired can be an extremely unpleasant experience. When I'm up, and I've had my morning shower, I turn into the hyper-active teenager that so many love to hate. But first thing in the morning? I can be _incredibly_ irritable. And believe me – cold winter nights spent outside in a flimsy sleeping bag on the ground do NOT make for a pleasant night's sleep.

And to make matters worse, I was having a brilliant dream. I was in the middle of the battle for Candy Mountain, leading my army of Gummy Bears against the forces of the evil Captain Banana, who had teamed up with the Spinach King, and was holding the lollipop princess hostage.

Hurriedly, I grabbed my trusty Sword of Sugar, and swiped it through the air, cutting through the ropes of dental floss that had tied me to a nearby tree.

Uttering a battle cry, I ran forth, drew my hand back and stabbed the evil Spinach King right through his heart! Dark green blood flowed from the wound, and I snapped around to see-

Deidara?

The blonde was poking my forehead impatiently.

"Wake up, un!"

I groaned and slapped his hand away, before pulling the blanket over my head.

"Go away!" I whined, my voice muffled beneath the fabric.

He yanked the blanket off of me, and I groaned again as the cold air hit my face. I sat up slowly, glancing up at the sky, which was still quite dark. I rubbed my arms as they began to cool down, exposed to the elements since my pyjamas only consisted of a short-sleeved indigo top and long black pyjama bottoms.

"What the hell?! It's the middle of the night!"

The blonde rolled his eyes.

"It's 7.30 in the morning, un."

"I say it's night!"

"Really." He replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yep! And my word is LAW." I emphasised the last word by pointing into the air dramatically, before grabbing my pillow and whacking Deidara over the head with it. "Don't wake me up in the middle of the night!"

His eye twitched as he rubbed the back of his head.

_Pfft, wuss._

**How hard did you hit him?**

_Does it matter? It was a freakin' pillow! _

**True.**

"In winter, it's dark in the mornings, un." He said slowly and deliberately, like you would talk to a young child.

"Suuure it is." I replied sarcastically, hugging my pillow. "How do I know this isn't part of a mass conspiracy involving bumble-bees and waffles?"

"Because I said it isn't, un." He was starting to get slightly irritated now; I could hear it in his voice.

"And how do I know you're not lying?" I asked, slightly teasingly; before turning away to take a better look at my surroundings, which were much the same as the night before. The lighting was the same, anyway. The camp-fire was out, and the other sleeping bags were rolled up nearby. It was empty aside from Deidara and I.

"Don't tell me," I said, grinning cheerfully. "Itachi fell in love with a ferret, and they've run off together to start a new life in Suna."

A small smile appeared on Deidara's face, before he shook his head.

"He's washing his hair, un."

"Seriously?!"

I snickered quietly at the thought of supposedly notorious criminals getting up early to do their hair. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that Deidara's hair was also slightly damp; and buried my face into my pillow in an attempt to conceal my laughter. Deidara seemed to notice anyway.

"What's so funny, un?!" He asked, slightly irately. I made a mental note to remember that Deidara had a short temper, and wasn't just in a bad mood when he previously tried to blow me up.

I cleared my throat and removed the pillow, before collapsing into another fit of giggles at Deidara's expression, which was a cross between confused and angry, effectively making him look ridiculous.

After another minute or so, I regained my composure and cleared my throat once more.

"Well?" Deidara was getting impatient now. Hehe, annoying him was fun.

"You guys are so vain!" I exclaimed, hugging my pillow once more. "I mean, _really; _as S-Rank criminals, I would have thought your appearance would be the least of your priorities."

Deidara glared at me.

"_Actually,_" He informed me smugly. "As part of Akatsuki, members are encouraged to keep up an acceptable appearance at all times, to sustain the reputation of the organisation."

"Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that." I replied, rolling my eyes.

Deidara looked like he wanted to rip my head off, and he probably would have had Itachi not returned with his hair slightly damp and a towel in his hands.

"Finished dying your hair?" I teased, grinning broadly. "Getting rid of the greys, eh?"

I was met with a blank expression.

"I fail to see the validity in that statement." He informed me, raising an eyebrow.

I pointed to the area underneath my eye with my index finger.

"You have wrinkles." I informed him cheerily. "It's logical you would have grey hair too."

I promptly received a death glare from him, while Deidara snickered.

"She's got a point, Uchiha."

Itachi turned his glare on the blonde, who abruptly shut up.

"Hey Deidara, you should take some lessons from Itachi on how to glare." I informed him, raising my arms above my head and stretching. Jeez, walking makes your muscles stiff. "Really, your glaring skills are that of a goldfish."

I stifled a yawn and ignored the two pairs of eyes which were now glaring at me.

"If you guys set my hair on fire with your glares, I'll sue." I warned them,

"Highly unlikely, un." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Well, knowing you guys, there's probably a ninja technique for that."

"There is." Itachi informed me, with a slight sadistic glint in his eyes.

"Well, much as I'd enjoy seeing that, if I stick around here any longer Deidara might rip my head off." I said, reluctantly leaving the warmth of my sleeping bag.

"Too right, un…" Deidara muttered, wandering over to the remains of the campfire.

Itachi cleared his throat.

"There is a river a little way along after those bushes. It's reasonably wide and deep, and the currant isn't too fast. It should be adequate for bathing." He informed me dryly, folding the towel neatly.

My left eye twitched slightly.

"So, you're telling me that the only privacy I would have would be the surrounding foliage?"

"To put it like that, then yes. However, we are the only ones around here for miles."

My eye twitched again as a mental battle between my need for privacy and my need for personal hygiene began.

It was a long and bloody battle, which lasted many seconds. Eventually though, I decided that I would rather like to retain a reasonable level of personal hygiene and gave in.

"Fine," I said reluctantly, before raising my index finger threateningly and speaking in a tone dripping with venom. "But although I _seriously_ doubt that two S-Rank criminals would be remotely interested in observing a 14 year-old girl; if _either_ of you spies on me; I will personally hunt you down, gouge your eyes out with a spork, ram them down your throat and beat you to death with Steve." My voice went back to being cheerful again. "Got it?"

With that, I grabbed my rucksack and headed in the direction Itachi had come from.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I nearly screamed as I jumped into the river.

OH.

MA.

GRAPE JUICE IN A CARTON WITH A STRAW.

The water was FREEZING!

**What did you expect? It's a**_** river**_** dumbass.**

_It's FREEZING! This cannot be real. How is it even __**possible**__ for water to be this cold?_

**Trust me, it could be a **_**lot**_** worse.**

Cursing under my breath, I ducked my head underneath the water, and grabbed my shampoo.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Shivering violently, I pulled my black turtle-neck jumper over my head and folded the neck down. I folded my pyjamas and placed them into my rucksack, before running a brush through my damp hair.

I donned my cloak once more, and slipped my black and white trainers on. I sighed. Jeans and converse weren't the best choice of clothing for walking, but I didn't have any other options.

"Whatever," I muttered to myself. "There's no way I'm wearing fishnet like that weird lady at the academy…Not that I _have_ any fishnet anyway…"

I shuddered as I remembered a rather eventful day when our teacher was ill, and we were instead taught by a violet-haired woman dressed only in fishnet, an orange mini-skirt and a long beige coat.

God, she was creepy.

The boy sitting in front of me had failed to finish his work on time, and with out warning, she cut his cheek with a kunai. And then _licked _the blood off. Yeah, ew.

I blame the fact that I was exposed to such creepiness at only the age of 10 for all my problems. It makes my life a lot easier just blaming my issues on someone else.

Mwahahahaha.

I grabbed my backpack and headed back to the camp, glancing at my watch, which I thought I had lost, but was actually only at the bottom of my bag. I had only taken 15 minutes, which I was sure was a personal best. Maybe it was the sub-zero temperatures in that river, or the paranoia in-case someone was spying on me, but at least I got ready faster.

The camp was silent as I returned. Deidara was moulding a small sculpture out of clay, and Itachi was throwing kunai into a tree, still sitting down. He was so casual in doing it though, with just a flick of his wrist; as if it were nothing. Ah, the wonders of being a psychopathic ninja.

"What did that tree ever do to you?" I asked rhetorically, dropping my backpack onto the ground. "Did it steal your wallet or something?"

"That would be a miraculous feat, considering that it lacks arms." He replied dryly, spinning a kunai on one finger.

"Well, maybe that's what is _wants _you to think," I replied, in a mysterious tone. "Maybe it waits until you let your guard down, and then _picks your pockets_!"

I put dramatic emphasis on the last part, and Itachi blinked at me incredulously.

"If you are really suggesting that a _tree_ could have the mental and physical dexterity required to steal possessions from my person, I would question the state of your mental health." He said frankly.

"Well, that's all it was, a mere suggestion." I replied nonchalantly, shrugging my shoulders. "Nothing more, nothing less. If you choose to take it seriously, then that's your business."

He raised an eyebrow at me, to which my response was to raise one right back. I then began to raise and lower them alternately, making my eyebrows do a little dance.

He blinked at me, and turned his attention back to the kunai in his hand.

I felt a little rejected, and began to wonder if I'd insulted him in eyebrow-raising language. Fudge monkeys, that would be bad.

After a few seconds of turning the kunai in his hands thoughtfully, he stood up and held it out to me.

"Here."

I stared at him.

"Is this an offer to let me commit suicide rather than be tortured and killed by you?" I asked nervously, taking a few steps backwards as subtly as possible.

Confusion flickered over his features for a second, but it was gone as soon as it appeared; replaced by his usual emotionless mask.

"May I enquire as to exactly _why_ I would choose to end your life using supposedly torturous methods?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. I was tempted to raise one back, but then remembered that that was precisely what got me into this situation in the first place.

"You didn't answer my question." I informed him in as calm a tone of voice as I could manage, while still subtly backing away.

"At this precise moment in time, I see no real reason to kill you." He informed me in a monotone. "Do you wish to provide me with a motive?"

"No!" I replied immediately. "No, I just thought I'd insulted you or something."

"By doing what?" He asked, with a vaguely amused expression.

"Forget it, it doesn't matter," I said, waving my hand dismissively. "What do you want me to do with the kunai?"

Itachi stayed silent for a few seconds, and I guessed that he was probably deciding whether to question me further. Thankfully, he let it go, saving me the embarrassment of explaining my funky eyebrow dancing. Because it does make me sound like kind of a dork when you put it that way.

He simply handed the kunai to me and pointed to the wallet-thief tree he had been abusing earlier.

"We will resume testing your abilities, since leader decided we needed to leave before we could get past stamina." He informed me in a monotone. "Accuracy is first, so throw the kunai at the tree."

I stared him.

"Well, unlike you, I'm afraid I don't have a vendetta against that tree." I said evenly, inspecting the metal dagger in my hands. My gaze flickered back up to Itachi. "So I'd really rather not."

"Do I detect a hint of defiance within your words?" He asked me coolly.

"What if you do?" I challenged.

"Defiance results in punishment; which can come in many forms, including a loss of privileges. Privileges such as food for example." He said pointedly.

"Food isn't a privilege, it's a necessity!" I exclaimed with a mock gasp.

"Well then, there's the tree."

I glared at him, and considered defying him anyway, just to tick him off. Unfortunately, my stomach chose that precise moment to complain in the way only stomachs can. That's right, it let out a massive growl, effectively proving that I needed breakfast, whether I liked it or not.

Great. Really, just terrific.

I hate my life.

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Sorry it's not as funny, or for the whole day, but it seems reasonably long as it is, and I didn't want to take any longer to update :P

Review please! :)

Really. You have no idea how happy they make me!


	14. The Journey to Konoha, Day 2, Part 2

WE HAVE REACHED 100 REVIEWS! :D *Insert confetti throwing here*

You guys are AWESOME! Really, reading nice reviews literally makes my day :)

But a little note to my reviewers: it was pretty late when I replied to everyone, so if I sounded really arrogant and forgot to say thank you for the nice comments, I apologise! I'd just like to say a massive THANK YOU! just now, 'cause lack of sleep is apparently a killer for my manners T.T

**HOLY SUGAR! **I haven't updated for nearly three weeks! D: Sorry. I've been busy. Really. I had yet another essay to write, which I just finished last night; and a load of other stuff that I can't be bothered going into. It's pretty late right now, so if there are any errors I apologise.

On a lighter note, we got a laugh in Home Ec. a couple of days ago: since we were making vegetable stir fry and a boy in my class put a wok on his head and yelled that "The aliens are coming! We have to protect our heads!" in a high-pitched voice. It wasn't that loud though, so most people (including the teacher) didn't see/hear it. Still, hilarious stuff! XD

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, Tap Tap Revenge, or the song 'Gives You Hell'.

**Poll Update: **Itachi:14, Deidara:12.

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_Unfortunately, my stomach chose that precise moment to complain in the way only stomachs can. __That's right, it let out a massive growl, effectively proving that I needed breakfast, whether I liked it or not._

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"See?" I exclaimed, pointing accusingly at Itachi. "The tree is _telling_ me not to stab it! It even made my stomach growl, and you _all_ heard that." I nodded my head knowledgably, widening my eyes dramatically. "If I use this kunai to harm that tree; I will be _dramatically murdered_ by the…um…tree's parents! Yes, the tree's parents will smite me with their tree powers and then we will _all _be doomed!"

"Just throw the damn kunai, yeah."

Oh well. It was worth a try.

"Well then Deidara," I announced cheerfully, stepping around the raven-haired shinobi in front of me. "You can be the first one the trees kill!"

I snickered as he glared at me, before remembering that this was _serious. _They had threatened to take away my _food_, for the love of cheese, _food!_

Wow. That really put a downer on my mood.

Gulping slightly, I raised my hand, holding the dagger like I had seen kids at the Academy when they were learning. Ah, teaching little kids to kill each other at the age of 5…Happy days my friend, happy days.

I lined it up with the tree, and pulled back my hand to throw it when–

"One thing," I said, turning to face Itachi. Well, I tried to, but ended up facing thin-air because he'd decided to move from behind me. So I ended up spinning around until I located him leaning against a tree beside me with his arms crossed. (Why do I get the feeling I should have noticed that?)

"Yes?" He asked in an uninterested tone.

"If I screw this up, do I still get food?"

"That would depend on how badly you screw up."

Well, _that_ was helpful.

Rolling my eyes, I re-aligned the kunai, before narrowing my eyes and throwing it as hard as I could at the tree. Or in the tree's general direction anyway, I never was a good aim. But I was hungry, and I didn't particularly want to miss breakfast as well as lunch (and probably dinner too, since Itachi seemed to hate all forms of food), so I tried my hardest to hit it.

Really, I _tried._

I took a step forward to add more force as I launched it into the air, before somehow managing to trip over my own feet and falling flat on my face.

OWIES.

Face-planting, don't you just love it? Yep, see the thousands of little shards adorning the ground? That's what used to be my ego.

I could just see the 'EPIC FAIL' caption; and the little grey emo cloud that was now perched over my head, drenching me nicely.

Deidara started sniggering.

"Congratulations, un; you've just given a whole new meaning to the phrase 'screwing up'." He informed me, smirking.

I groaned, and slowly sat up from my delightful position of being splayed out on the grass.

"Jeez guys, don't be concerned about my well-being or anything." I grumbled sarcastically, rubbing my nose which had been smashed when I hit the ground. "I mean, I think I've broken my nose, but don't let that stop you from laughing at me."

Itachi rolled his eyes.

"You're being melodramatic."

"So what if I am?" I retorted, still sitting cross-legged on the ground. "The point is, I'm in pain, and it's your fault."

"So it is somehow my fault that you tripped over your own feet, despite the fact that I am standing a good distance away from you?" He drawled, sarcasm dripping from his words and leaving a charred black patch on the ground where it fell. Hey, who knew sarcasm was acidic?

"You're catching on, weasel." I replied in my usual cheerful tone. "You should have learned by now that I am not responsible for anything that happens. _Ever._"

"How mature." He remarked dryly, still leaning against the tree.

I ignored the last remark, and stood up to search for the kunai which I had thankfully managed to throw before I fell over. If I hadn't, I could have ended up with a knife through my chest. Yeah, ouch. Although it would have been even worse if it was _poisoned…_ I absently began to wonder about the possibility that this was planned; that the kunai was poisoned and this whole thing was actually an elaborate attempt to kill me.

Meh.

After around a minute of my half-assed attempt, I located it lying snugly in the grass, a few feet from the tree. That's right; it didn't even hit the tree. It just fell, rather pathetically, onto the ground.

Stifling a yawn, I picked it up and strolled the few feet back, before offering it back to Itachi.

"You don't wish to make another attempt?" He asked me, taking the dagger. "Perhaps you could redeem yourself."

"Well according to my gym teacher, I couldn't hit a barn door with a banjo." I concluded, rubbing my nose slightly. "So can I have food now? My stomach may start digesting itself soon."

"Here, un."

I spun around just in time to see Deidara chucking a rice ball in my direction. Miraculously, I managed to catch it; and sat down next to the blonde. I bit into it, and cringed slightly at the lack of flavour. Still, I decided to make the most of it and chow down before they changed their minds.

I chewed slowly, contemplating my current situation as seriously as I could manage.

"While we're all gathered round like this," I said thoughtfully, "You guys could answer some questions for me."

Deidara regarded me warily.

"What kind of questions, hm?"

"Just things that I should know." I replied, shrugging nonchalantly. "Like why you kidnapped me for example."

The blonde shot a glance at Itachi, and they shared a silent conversation which I imagine went something like:

'Should we tell her, un?'

'I don't see why not.'

'Okay then, but it's you who gets the blame if this goes wrong.'

'Your maturity is both admiral and astounding.'

'Up yours Uchiha, un.'

My imaginary conversation drew to a close when Deidara turned back to me.

"We had reason to believe you had information on Orochimaru." He said carefully, as if he would spontaneously combust if he said something wrong. Hey, for all I knew, that could've been true.

"Who's Orochimaru?" I asked immediately, narrowing my eyes. "And why would I have information on him?"

"He's an ex-member, hm." The blonde informed me.

"And he left before I joined." He quickly added, anticipating my next question. "We soon found out you didn't, though."

"You couldn't know though," I replied sharply. "You only asked me a couple of times."

"Well, we…erm…" His voice trailed off, and he shot a desperate glance at the Uchiha. Okay, something was up here. From what I could see, Deidara was _so _not the kind of guy to use the desperate-glance. It must have been bad.

"We checked your memories while you were asleep." The kitten-killer told me smoothly.

"You did _what_?" I asked as quietly as I could, in as deadly a tone as I could muster.

"Using an advanced ninjutsu technique, we skimmed through your memories searching for any involving Orochimaru or his associates. When none were found, it was decided that you were telling the truth." He explained calmly.

"So what you're telling me is that you invaded my mind, _with_ _complete disregard to my privacy,_ so you could watch my life story?" I hissed angrily, slowly standing up and beginning to formulate a plan to re-obtain the kunai and stab both of them repeatedly with it. Obviously, there was no way it would have worked, but cut me some slack, I was angry.

"We skimmed through, looking at nothing in detail. All this technique allows the user to see are blurs of colour, with the subject they are searching for standing out if it is found. It allows nothing else."

"Well then, if I don't know anything then why am I here?" I snapped, my voice a little harsher than I had intended.

"Because three people are required to participate in the Chunin Exams."

"_Why_ are you participating?" I asked, still retaining eye-contact with Itachi. "I have a right to know! If you want me to co-operate, then I want a complete and truthful explanation."

Deidara took over from there, explaining about the Akatsuki's goals and such-like. They alternated in explaining things, each taking turns like good little children do.

According to them, I was first kidnapped because they thought I had information on an ex-member named Orochimaru. They then used a memory-jutsu (which apparently doesn't allow looking through memories in detail) to find out that I didn't have any information, like I had told them. Leader then decided I would be of use (for reasons they apparently 'had not been informed of', or simply wouldn't tell me); and so decided to send me with Deidara and Itachi to spy at the Chunin Exams since three members are required in a team, and because it was decided it would be easier for me to simply sever my bonds with Konoha and leave afterwards. Then I was to gather the rest of my belongings and return to the Akatsuki base with them. I still had no idea why would be of any use to Pein though; as I completely lacked in ninja skills, ninja knowledge, and just about everything else to do with being a ninja. I didn't have any information that would be of use to them either. This was also one of the things Itachi and Deidara apparently 'had not been informed of'.

The whole explanation took longer than I had expected (the Akatsuki's goals are _very _detailed), and so I was left on my own for a few minutes while they cleared the campsite (packing sleeping bags, eliminating evidence of the camp-fire, etc.). I got bored watching them, so I resorted to playing Tap Tap Revenge on my ipod until they were done. Ah, I love that game! But as I finished playing 'Gives You Hell'; the unthinkable happened.

I died a little inside as I saw the message on the screen.

'_Less than 20% of battery power left.'_

A couple of seconds later, it clicked off.

_Well, _that_ was a short 20%._

**Yeah, but the battery-power-measuring-thing was always a bit unreliable.**

_True._

Sighing, I carefully placed it into my rucksack, silently vowing to re-unite it with its charger as soon as possible.

Walking without music or conversation is very, _very_ boring indeed.

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"Aw come on Dei, play with me!" I whined, tugging on his sleeve." I'm bored!"

"I know a good game." He said, glaring at me and pulling his arm away. "It's called taking a long walk off a short cliff, un."

I pouted and walked off, informing Deidara that he sucked.

After a little while of even more incredible boredom, I found a stick. But this was no _ordinary_ stick, oh no, because this was an Epic Stick! It was long, but not too long, just a perfect length actually. And since I am easily amused, I decided to use my easily-amused skills to amuse myself with ease. (Try saying that five times fast!)

Grasping it like a sword, I decided to play some imaginative games like I did when I was a child.

"Hey guys!" I walked over to them, giving them my biggest smile. "Wanna play make-believe?"

I was met with two incredulous looks which clearly asked 'Do we _look _like idiots?'

"Oh, _come on_!" I exclaimed, spreading my arms wide for dramatic emphasis. "We can travel to foreign lands, slay magical creatures, conquer great kingdoms!"

"No way, un."

Itachi didn't even answer; he just gave me a withering look and then continued walking.

Rolling my eyes at them, I decided to play on my own.

"Fine then! I'll do it all on my own!" I skipped happily on ahead, declaring that: "You guys don't know what you're missing!"

Unfortunately, I wasn't paying enough attention, and ended up walking into a tree. Either that, or I was attacked by it because I let my guard down. (Since I was playing make-believe, the latter applied.)

Jumping backwards, I waved my Stick-Sword around a little before holding it against the tree's throat.

"I will smite thee, evile beast!" I declared in my Elizabethan-style voice*.

The tree stayed silent, glaring at me defiantly.

"Thou is hereby charged with the crime of attacking me." I announced in a loud, clear tone. "How dost thou plead? Guilty, or not guilty?"

When I was again met with no response, I pulled my hand back, tapping the tree lightly with my Stick-Sword (since I am not a nature-hater like _some _people…). In my world though, I had just stabbed it mercilessly.

"HAHA! Who's laughing now, hm?" I began to use my evil-mastermind laugh, which I saved for special occasions like this. "HM?"

My fun was ruined when Mr. BGWITMM yet again grabbed my collar and began to drag me away, complaining that at this rate the exams would be over by the time we got there.

"But-but," My eyes started to well-up with fake tears. "The tree!"

As usual, I was met with no sympathy whatsoever.

And around ten minutes later, Itachi killed my stick when I tried to slay another attacking-tree. He broke it neatly in half before handing it back to me; meaning that it was too short to use for anything.

I gasped, falling to my knees.

"Sticky! NOOOOO!" I wailed, holding my beloved stick in my hands. "You killed Sticky! You monster!"

Needless to say, I was ignored again.

Damn ninja.

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The rest of the day was boring. Very boring. In fact, it was so completely and utterly devoid of anything remotely interesting, that when we finally stopped for the night, I felt like my brain might spontaneously combust at any moment.

I had only survived on my extensive imagination; going from magical realms; to austere, icy lands with only small groups of civilisation. All day, I battled traitorous knights and vicious polar bears; coming a little-too-close to death on more than one occasion.

My 'conscience', however, was rather sceptical of the whole thing.

_What can I say? I'm a child at heart._ _Actually, I'm a child anyway!_

I mentally stuck my tongue out.

**I think that just proves my point about your maturity.**

_You always seem to forget that we're the same person. If you insult me, you insult yourself._

**True. **

My mental conversation was rudely interrupted by a rice-ball falling into my lap.

I wrinkled my nose up in distaste.

"Don't you guys eat anything else?" I complained, taking a small bite. "This food is so _bland._"Bland I say!

Itachi shot me yet another disapproving glance; which by my count was the 57th time today.

"I would suggest that you stop complaining if you wish to have any food this evening, as well as retain the ability to eat." He drawled, in his favourite tone of voice. That's right– monotone!

"Who said I was complaining?" I retorted, taking another bite and trying to ignore the threat behind his words. "Maybe bland is a good thing."

"Hn."

"Oh great, we're back to the monosyllabic grunt." I exclaimed sarcastically, throwing my arms into the air. "Well Deidara, it looks like you're going to be my source of conversation from now on."

"Who says I'll talk to you, un?"

"Because we've been through this before; I'll start another random conversation if you don't, end up talking to myself when you guys ignore me; and consequently become so bored that my brain explodes." I explained cheerfully. "And then you guys would have to clean it up. Trust me– exploded brains are _very_ messy."

"Speaking from experience, hm?" The blonde asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes and taking out his own food.

"Of course." I replied innocently, munching on my oh-so-bland dinner. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He ignored me this time; instead choosing to concentrate on eating.

Letting out a small sigh, I turned my attention to the camp-fire in front of me; staring into the flames and contemplating my situation.

It didn't look great. I had been kidnapped by a criminal organisation for information, who then decided I would apparently be of some use to them; before I would have to participate in a life-or-death exam in the village I grew up in. The village I would have to leave afterwards; possibly forever.

I found myself gazing at the fire intently, as if it held the answer to all of my problems. It was almost hypnotic, the way the bright flames moved, swaying and flickering gently; as if they were performing an intricate dance to music only they could hear. It amazed me – almost pained me – to wonder how something so beautiful could be so dangerous.

Like they say: looks can be deceiving.

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I yawned and rubbed my nose, which still twinged slightly after this morning. I had finished eating a few minutes ago, but the rice had left an unpleasant aftertaste. Really, I have never tasted onigiri as bland as that stuff in my entire life.

Then, SUDDENLY, inspiration decided to hit me over the head with the base-ball bat of life (ouch), and I remembered the bag of deliciousness I had in my rucksack.

Grinning to myself at the realisation; I pulled it over and unzipped it, before delving inside and rummaging around for a few moments until I found a blue plastic bag, with the words 'Prince's Marshmallows' written on it in white lettering. Removing it carefully, and placing it in my lap; I zipped-up my rucksack once more and pushed it to the side.

Because if there is one thing that can get rid of a bitter after-taste, it's marshmallows. More specifically the traditional pink and white kind, in a small cylinder shape. Searching around a little until I found a stick once more; I broke the end off so it formed a mini-spear type of thing. I opened the bag and speared one of the marshmallows onto it; before cautiously holding it above the flame. I had never properly toasted marshmallows before, only trying it once or twice over a cooker, but I had heard many people telling camping stories and talking about it.

Deidara looked over to me curiously.

"What're you doing, yeah?"

"Toasting a marshmallow." I replied, not taking my eyes off of the stick, which I was slowly rotating in my hand. After a few seconds the marshmallow began to turn golden, and I removed it from the flames' grasp.

Blowing on it gently, I gingerly picked it off with my fingers and put it into my mouth; closing my eyes in ecstasy as I bit into the crispy outer coating; revealing the creamy goo inside.

HOLY FUDGE-Y POP-TARTS IN PENGUIN COUNTRY!

The taste was _amazing!_

Swallowing, I re-opened my eyes and stared at the stick in my hand.

"Gentlemen, I think I have just discovered a whole new world of flavour," I announced, inspecting the ingredients-list on the bag of marshmallows. That was _a lot _of sugar... Although that would explain why it tasted so good… "Try some!" I added, holding the bag out to them.

They eyed it cautiously, as if it might explode at any minute.

"Come on, they're just marshmallows, for Pete's sake!" I exclaimed, rolling my eyes at their caution.

After a few seconds, Itachi leaned over and plucked one from the bag, and inspected it closely, before taking a small bite. He chewed slowly before swallowing and eating the rest.

"Well, it's not poisoned." He informed us dryly, rubbing his index finger and thumb together; presumably to rid them of any of the sugar dusted on the marshmallows that may have found its way onto his fingertips.

"See? I told you!" I beamed at him, holding the bag out to Deidara. "Come on, I wanna see what you guys are like when you're high on sugar!"

Deidara's eye twitched and his extended hand stayed suspended in mid-air for a few seconds.

"Joke." I said, rolling my eyes once more.

Rolling his eyes right back and sighing in a mock-girly tone; he grabbed a couple and grinned when I sent him a mock-glare.

And that was how Deidara also discovered that normal marshmallows are not poisonous, are not explosive and do actually taste quite nice.

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After their initial dramatics (slightly hypocritical coming from me); they eventually ended up eating most of the packet between them. Damn ninja…

The fire had started to hypnotise me again, and I had ended up daydreaming while I was toasting the last marshmallow in the bag.

"I think your marshmallow's done." Itachi informed me in a vaguely amused tone, causing me to snap back to reality.

"Hm?" I turned my attention back to the stick in my hand, which I had been slowly rotating absently. "Holy crap!"

I pulled the end of the stick away from the fire, and began to blow on it frantically in an attempt to put out the flaming marshmallow. Thankfully, it worked, and I was left to cram the sticky, gooey mess into my mouth before it slid off and fell onto the ground. Because _that_, my friend, would be a waste of a marshmallow.

But jeez, it was HOT!

I waved my hands around my mouth in a desperate attempt to cool my mouth down, and fell over backwards after a few seconds. I swallowed quickly, consequently burning my throat, but starting to laugh despite it. I tried to shove myself back up with my arms, but had them collapse underneath me as I flopped onto my back, still chuckling lightly and staring up at the night's sky.

I blame the sugar personally.

Still, it was a very nice night to fall onto my back. The stars were out; lighting up the sky like a thousand miniature suns, gathered around the huge silver sphere of a moon.

I lay there for a while, silently gazing up into the expanse of indigo and silver; letting my mind drift as free as a butterfly.

My eyes slowly slid shut, and I pulled my cloak a little closer around me, before rolling onto my side and drifting off to sleep.

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* Thank you to Suezanne for telling me it was called that! :)

And if there is actually a brand of marshmallows called Prince's; I do not own and am in no way associated with them. Though as far as I know there isn't…

Okay…so I'm taking a hiatus for a week or so. There are many reasons for this, including that I have a few other things I'd like to finish. I'm also really busy this weekend, and I'm going away for a few days next week; so the next chapter will probably be late too. Except it won't be classed as late, because I've told you all here :3

Still…have I mentioned that reviews motivate me to write? Seriously, I love feedback! So please, click the pretty review button, and boost my confidence! I need to know if I'm right in saying this chapter wasn't as funny or not…

Thanks! :)


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